Skip to article content ×
MENU: All | Charities | Clothing | Cooking Equipment | Electronics | Even Better Homes and Gardens | Food | Media | Mustard | Personal Care | Rift Ride™
AdidasAdidas has resumed their partnership with Kanye West after his perpetuation of deeply antisemitic tropes and threats against Jews on his social media acounts with more followers than there are Jews on this planet. Hullo$99Buckwheat pillows have been used in Japan for hundreds of years. The hulls in buckwheat pillows hold their shape well and remain extremely comfortable. The United States requires imported buckwheat hulls to be heat treated, which allegedly makes the hulls brittle and causes them to flatten out more readily. Its unclear if thats the case, but Hullo grows their buckwheat in Minnesota. Kosciusko$3.75 (9oz)A top-tier spicy brown deli mustard. The Real McCoys$270A pre-washed hooded sweatshirt with heavy sinker-weave-knit fabric as opposed to loopwheel-knit fabric, but its no worse for it. A bit roomier and longer than The Strike Golds offering. Its Japanese, so size up by one size relative to US sizing. The Real McCoys also has a loopwheel-knit zipped hoodie available who must have their hoodies knit with the least amount of tension. Parachute$99Its very soft, comfortable, and it looks like a typical bathrobe. Theres pockets to keep sandwiches or whatever you typically use bathrobe pockets for. I dont know what else you need in a bathrobe—do you need a hood? Mister Mustard$1.60 (7.5oz)A must-have mustard for hot mustard enthusiasts. Mister Mustard is possibly the only mustard that Ive ever liked that has sugar as a listed ingredient, and yes, Ive tried Boetjes. Rick Owens$600–690The legendary Dunk-inspired high-top sneaker but for children. Meep$201 of 20 hand-numbered and signed prints. See Meeps shop for a full range of prints, shirts, stickers, and a coloring book. Meal Magazine$19The second issue of the essential food magazine from the Twin Cities-based publication. This issue covers variety of critical topics at the intersection of social justice and food, and theres a Joe Rosenthal profile by Molly Each, which is a beautifully written reveal of my closest held secrets. Meal Magazines third issue is available for preorder, and Meal Magazine offers a bimonthly newsleter, magazine subscription, merchandise, access to local Twin Cities events, and more, through their Patreon. Ralph Lauren Boys 8–20$145Buy it for that guy who isnt quite worth the price of mens clothing. Go with the largest size for the most plausible deniability. Phase One$200 (license for Fujifilm, Nikon, or Sony, only), $300 (license for all major camera brands)Powerful and convenient photo editing software. Capture One enables tethered shooting whereby the camera is attached to a computer and you can see the view finder, focus, shoot, and develop photos in the software. Also, available as a monthly or yearly subscription service. Boom! Studios$63.49The original Power Rangers are now being written as an excellent comic series. Shattered Grid is a major event in which an alternate worlds Tommy Oliver remains evil and kills Power Rangers to accumulate more power and imperil the universe. This collects Mighty Morphin Power Rangers #25-30, Go Go Power Rangers #9-12, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Free Comic Book Day Special, and Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Shattered Grid #1, and an original short story set during the events of Shattered Grid. The next major arc, Necessary Evil is also collected in a two-part hardcover series, with part one available now, and part two is available for preorder. Ready Hour$57 (Beans Trio & Rice Kit, 100 Servings), $867 (3-month supply), $1,597 (6-month supply), $2,987 (1-year supply)Got an anti-vaxxer relative thats endangering public health? Give them a supply of self-reliance buckets to remove their need to leave their home, effectively removing them from society. For less than $3000, you can sequester your awful relative for up to a year and effect material benefit for the world. CTEK$128.51A critical accessory for infrequently driven cars in cold climates. An optional CTEK Comfort Connect Cig Plug enables you to trickle charge your car battery through your cars cigarette port, for cars with a port that is powered when the car is off. My spouse and I accidentally ran over our CT5 several times, and to be clear, the CT5 survived being run over by a car multiple times before we finally replaced it with a second one. Marvel Comics$53.99 (Hardcover)The start of Jonathan Hickmans run of X-Men which serves as a reboot of the X-Men comics. Hickmans run is a fresh take on the X-Men lore, and this is a must have for X-Men fans. Collects Powers of X 1-6, House of X 1-6. By Kilian$240Smell a little bit like rum, but not like youve been drinking it—smell like youre exuding rum. Naniwa$88A 1,000 grit stone is a good stone for maintaining a blade thats already in reasonable condition. The Chosera 400 grit is a much better stone to use for a knife thats been long neglected and needs a lot of material removed to bring it back to life. Choseras 5,000 grit stone works well to follow up as a finishing stone. 10,000 grit helps take the finish a step further for knives with very hard blade steels only—softer steels that will rapidly dull from such a fine edge. A honing rod can work to maintain your knives between sharpenings, but I prefer a strop, especially for knives with particularly hard steel. G&M Restaurant$115The worlds best crab cake but in a tub that comes in the mail. Includes a scooper to easily scoop crab cakes just like they do at G&M. Iron Mind$239.95There are five people living who have closed the #4 gripper. Shoot for the moon. Also available as individual grippers. recteq$739 (RT-340), $899 (RT-590), $1,199 (RT-700), $1,599 (RT-1250)Each pellet smoker features a PID controller for dynamic temperature response, a thick stainless steel chassis that will retain heat well, and a ceramic ignitor rod thatll wont require continually replacement like with metal ignition rods. Pairs well with high-quality pellets. Sfoglini$17.99 (Four Pack)Give your loved one the promise of four pounds of pasta that will arrive in a month or so. This is to short pasta shapes what Scoops! was to Tostitos. Creed$55Bathe yourself in entry-level luxury. Brennan Center for Justice$25+The Brennan Center for Justice is a nonprofit public policy and law institute of the New York University Law School. The Brennan Center peforms research and advocates for progressive causes such as voting rights expansion, ending mass incarceration, campaign finance reform, electoral college reform, and election security. Laguiole Claude Dozorme$169These are my knives; they were a gift from my mother. Theyre excellent knives. These are mine, though, so I would suggest you use these knives as a guide—this is a gift guide, not a gift prescription—and do not buy these exact ones. Find your own knives, please. Edmond Fallot$6.25 (7.4oz)Made from brown mustard seed grown in Burgundy and Appellation dOrigine Contrôlée Burgundy white wine. A thunderclap of intense mustard heat and alcohol notes. A delightful nightmare. visvim/WMV$1035Better than all of the other Superstar knockoffs with plastic agleted laces—it doesnt get more comfortable than visvim leather sneakers. Available in mens and womens sizes. Baloo159 (Throw), $169 (Full/Queen), $204 (King)If you dont have 20 pounds of weighted beads in your blanket, are you even sleeping? Edmond Fallot$6.25 (7.4oz)A great Dijon mustard with a bit of lingering heat. Masamoto$195 (8.2-inch), $236 (9.4-inch), $283 (10.5-inch)A carbon steel Japanese chefs knife with a Western-style handle. This knife is sharpened for right-handed users. The rest of the blade and the handle are both symmetrical, so left-handed users can call Korins customer service number and pay an additional $20 for the edge to be reground for lefties. And for those who will only accept stainless steel knives, Misonos UX10 is a very nice option. Russ & Daughters$50 per poundIf you dont like this smoked salmon, theres no smoked salmon in the world that will satisfy you. Bring your own bagels. Yves Tierenteyn-Verlent$5.58 (200ml)In production since the late 18th century. Bring your own bottle to Ghent and have it filled with mustard at their shop. Baking Steel$159 (Mini Griddle), $199 (Skinny Griddle), and $209 (Griddle)Theyre expensive, but theyre great stove-top griddles. Also pairs well with a 12-by-12-inch Sicilian-style pizza pan. The mini griddle in particular is ideal for small batches of smash burgers. Heat the griddle to 500F, and use 3oz balls of no leaner than 75%-lean chuck. Housemarque$69.99Returnal is a profoundly difficult game with top-tier gameplay mechanics, and it stands as one of the few games with a middle-aged female protagonist. The following button swaps will help immensely in successfully beating the game: set dash to L1, melee to R1, use consumable to square, jump to R3, and X to area scan. Additionally, turn always sprint
on. WMV$890.00Hiroki Nakamuras washes are among the best there is, and DMGD-12 is a particularly great variant. Features a blue-line selvedge, including a selvedge waistband, and a natural indigo-dyed roughout elk patch. Mikes Hot Honey$21.99 (2, 12 oz Squeeze Bottles)The hottest honey yet. The Strike Gold$295A slubby heavy-weight loopwheel-knit hooded sweatshirt. It’s intended to shrink a full size after washing, and its slimmer and shorter than The Real McCoys Joe McCoy offering. Its also Japanese, so it runs small, and youll want to size up at least one size relative to US sizing. Pay particular attention to measurements and shrinkage estimates. Gaby et Jules$101 (3 months), $174 (6 months), $319 (1 year)Phenomenal French macarons delivered on a subscription basis for your friends and family. Also available in a variety of individual macaron boxes, and the vanilla and strawberry stand as some of my favorites, though the vanilla macarons may only be available locally, in Pittsburgh. And for those in Pittsburgh that can visit the shop, the palmiers are a must try, along with any of the pastries that seem exciting. Koops$4.25 (12oz)A very nice vinegary spicy brown mustard. Míele$499The first cordless vacuum that isnt actually garbage. Features a removable battery pack. Indigo Proof$35–300The highest quality denim repairs Ive seen; Rain Delisle is at least as good with working on denim as anyone who has made a pair of my jeans, and its the only place where I want to send mine. Theres a wait list for repairs, so sign up for her VIP list on the Indigo Proof website for advanced notice of openings. Chain-stitched hems, tapers, and waist alterations are also available. DANICOOP$6.90Canned San Marzano tomatoes in the United States are generally not great tomatoes, but Gustarosso stands as the exception and might just be the best canned tomato product there is. Chefs Press$18.90 (13oz)Perfect for burgers, steaks, and everything else that would be trash without a good sear. Vollrath$4.37Buy dozens, use them as spoon rests, for baking little things, ingredient prep, and making little fruit leathers. And if you dont already have a quarter sheet and cooling rack pair, remedy that. MAC Superior$89.95Better than the worthless bread knife from the knife block that you got as a wedding gift. Stop mangling great bread with that garbage knife, and get a real bread knife (this one). This is a right-handed knife, but it works well for left-handed users. Electronic Frontier Foundation$25+The Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF) leverages lawyers, activities, and technology experts to fight against injustices in the digital world, and stands as a leading force defending against abuses of digital privacy. Cypress Grove$27 (one pound)A Gouda-like six-month aged goat milk cheese. Polyscience$1,490An incredible cooktop for cooking confit, braising food, making Hollandaise sauce, or just cooking broccolis carefree while youre wildly distracted and ignoring whats on the stove at a cool and steady 225°F. Richard EaglespoonPricelessAn article on how to make incredible steaks at home with the specific advice to dry brine your meat, and yes, you absolutely should dry brine all of the beef recommended in this guide, and thats especially true for any rib roasts. Blu Skillet Ironware$360An incredible handmade carbon steel skillet. The handle ergonomics make the pan extremely maneuverable. I suggest entering Blu Skillets monthly lotteries or trying to grab a pan during their annual sale. Famous Lunch$7.25 (Pint), $11.75 (Quart)The famous sauce used on what most are calling the greatest hot dog on the planet. Add a splash of water before reheating, and freeze any excess in single-serving portions. Pairs well with a great pork hot dog. Do not use a beef hot dog with this sauce. Top your hot dog with a yellow mustard and finely diced white onion. Call (518) 272-9481 to place an order. DeLonghi$159Do not burden your friends and family with a deep fryer, and really you shouldnt even burden anyone with a Whirley Pop—stop imposing your will and wasting away the precious counter and cabinet space of the people in your life. With that in mind, this is more of a recommendation for the idea of a deep fryer rather than a recommendation for a specific deep fryer. If you want to make and eat fried food, this is the only path to that end. Frescobaldi Laudemio$27.95 (250ml), $44.95 (500ml)Rich and peppery. Comes in a box, so you can safely store it away and observe its greenish beauty when the occasion arises. Wabash Valley Farms$27.74Great for making popcorn at home. Be very careful when operating this popper, as you can burn yourself with the escaping steam when pouring out the popped popcorn. Comes in a stainless steel variant for induction cooktops. Pairs well with Mega Pop packs, which include popcorn, coconut oil, and salt. Note, if you are coming up with your own popcorn recipe or supplementing packs, regular salt is inappropriate for popcorn, and micronized salt is a requirement. And regardless of whether you buy the packs or come up with your own recipe, butter-flavored topper is a critical post-pop addition. Sher Wagyu $111.96 (two 12oz steaks)A Wagyu, Angus and Holstein crossbreed, Shers Australian Wagyu is more similar to Japanese wagyu than American wagyu. An excellent steak, and each 12-ounce steak could serve two given its intense richness. Thermoworks$45.00A simple, accurate, and reliable leave-in thermometer. If you need a low-temperature alarm, that is, an alarm that tells you when the temperature of your food has cooled to a certain temperature, spend the extra $20 on a ChefAlarm. Richard EaglespoonPricelessAn article on how to make professional quality hoagie rolls at home. Make a bunch and give them to your friends and family, or just send someone the link to the article as an inexpensive last minute gift. PizzaMasterMore than you'd hopePizzaMaster makes commercial deck ovens, and some of their models, namely the countertop models, can potentially be used in a home when built for 240V single-phase wiring. These are large ovens; my PM 551ED with a 21-inch deck is deeper than a typical home countertop. This oven is a tool, albeit, a top-tier professional one, and it is not a replacement for research and practice, as opposed to the belief of many buyers of consumer-grade pizza ovens. If an oven was all it took to make great pizza, every Whole Foods in the country would be doing it with their PizzaMasters, and they are not. Martins Potato RollsNote: Billy Penn has reported that Martin’s Potato Roll owner, Jim Martin, donated $110,000 to the Pennsylvania gubernatorial campign of Doug Mastriano, a far-right Christian nationalist who has fought against mask mandates, critical race theory, the 2020 presidential election, and is looking to enact a total ban on abortion. Martin’s has been removed from this gift guide. Italian Harvest$12.00Mix it with mayo to make a great calabrian mayo; throw some into a pasta sauce for a little bit of complexity and heat; eat it with a spoon, or dont—your loss. Trader Joe’s Italian Bomba Hot Pepper Sauce is a very nice and readily available alternative to this product. And when all you need is oil, theres a Calabrian chili oil. Zero Japan$32The hinoki cypress lid is hinged, and you can open it with the flick of a finger, so you can easily access your salt without clumsily futzing with a lid. Its an ideal salt cellar, and available in several colors Maida Farm$11.75Abby’s Choice—For when passata needs more beta carotene. Claritin$20For the friend with a beating heart. Lello$808.50If your ice cream was mediocre before, itll likely still be mediocre, but now youll know that its you, and its not the ice cream maker. Milton Creamery$8 (6.5oz), $30 (1.625lb), $80 (5lb)Abby’s Choice—A nutty and sweet aged cheddar. Outslayer$510 (with bottom D-ring)These bags are filled entirely with compressed fabric rather than sand, and so the bag does not harden as time goes on. Extremely comfortable to punch. The conventional wisdom is to use a heavy bag thats around half your weight. Also, be sure to order it filled—shipping is included. Sunmix$1,890.00This is not a replacement for a typical stand mixer: the SUN6 is a spiral mixer designed exclusively for mixing dough, and its breaker bar makes it a far superior for kneading dough compared to barless consumer spiral mixers. This is a relatively large mixer, and it really shines with large batches it dough, but its specifically designed to fit underneath cabinets in a home kitchen. And unfortunately, unless youre in Europe, the price has gone up nearly $500 in the past year and a half. Works best with a healthy addition of stickers. Internet Archive$5+Internet Archive is a digital library dedicated to providing free access to digitized audio, books, movies, software, and more. A major focus of the Internet Archive has been archiving web pages through their Way Back Machine. If, for example, youve ever tried to determine how problematic a Bon Appétit recipe was prior to being scrubbed clean, the Way Back Machine has archived it. The Internet Archive is currently hosting 70 petabytes of archived data—thats 70,000,000 gigabytes—and a donation enables that. Produit Pic$8.99 (7.5oz)An exceptionally smooth sandwich demands an exceptionally smooth mustard. Pleasant with most of the flavor up front and not much heat. CELINE$690A high rise straight leg jean. With Hedi Slimane at the helm, CELINE has some of the best washed denim in the business. Brain Dead x Joey Watson$150A timeless tumbler. Mostaard Wostyn$2.88 (225g)A Belgian mustard from a 19th Century mustardier based in Torhout. Smooth with a mild back-end heat and a nice complexity from its finely ground black mustard seed. Gucci$290Great form factor for stashing some cards and cash in a slim pants pocket. Fun snake design. SIN$36 (mini), $72 (small), $85 (large)Nearly identical to a paper plate. Red Pelican$5.79 (9oz)A great smooth brown mustard with a nice spiciness. Red Pelicans Hot Mustard eats a lot like a Belgian mustard, and given that the founder, Henry Sabe, was a Flemish immigrant, it makes sense. Much more finely ground than a typical delicatessen mustard, but not as finely ground as the Belgian mustards in this list. Benjamin Moore$62.99 (1 Gallon)This is great quality paint, and this is great for those in a new home in need of interior painting. Get this paint in a dark color, and see if they paint a room with it. If you notice that the recipient used the paint, follow up with a discordant color for the next holiday or birthday, and see if they continue to paint. If they paint again, you should assume that the recipient will paint ad infinitum. Proceed with caution, but probably also proceed with more gifts of paint. KEF$1,249.99All but the white model are draped in fabric from Kvadrat, and the speakers fit well on a desk—whats not to love? Play Kiss from a Rose for hours on end to be sure you break it in. Kojima Productions$49.99An expanded version of the original Hideo Kojima masterpiece for PS5. A story-driven epic, package delivery has been made into an utterly enthralling and terrifying experience. Do not succumb to complacency, and do not underestimate the utility of your BB. Owners of the original Death Stranding for PS4 can upgrade to the PS5 Directors Cut for $10. Audient$299 (iD14 MKII), $199 (id4 MKII)Pairs with an XLR microphone or guitar. Contains reasonably powerful preamps that obviate the need for a microphone activator or lifter for certain dynamic microphones. Add in a Rode PSA1 boom arm to really send the message, buy a mic.
Compound Butter$20A stunning food magazine with incredible original art intertwined with the editorial content throughout. Volume Fourteen is a double issue with 163 pages centered on the things that bring comfort. Volume Fifteen can be preordered, and a four-issue subscription is available. Grey Poupon$71.06 (Two, 1-Gallon jugs)For years I took the the joyless pain of eating Grey Poupon as a point of pride— a tough mustard for tough people. Its not. Grey Poupon is an awful Dijon mustard with its only flavor being a one-dimensional mustard heat, and the fact that this mustard has defined Dijon mustard for many in the United States is endlessly distressing. Give the gift of two 1-Gallon jugs of Grey Poupon to someone awful. Cite a fear of supply chain issues to explain the volume of mustard. If the recipient notes that they dont like Grey Poupon, tell them that they havent had the good Grey Poupon and that its only available through restaurant suppliers, à la hair salons being the only source of high concentration hair products. Note that Grey Poupon needs to be stored in the fridge once its opened to maintain its best flavor. Really, youre awful for doing this, but this whole thing, all of it, should turn them off of you for a while, and thats the goal, right? Richard EaglespoonPricelessAn article on how to make New York-style pizza in a basic home oven, including a list of critical pizza making equipment. And no, you do not need a specialty pizza oven to make incredible pizza at home, and no oven will make your pizza any less mediocre. Balancing Act$318 (Single), $471.00 (Double)A critical series for anyone interested in making mixed drinks. Balancing Acts Dave Arnold and Jack Schramm are the worlds foremost drink geniuses, and their non-alcoholic drinks at the now-shuttered Existing Conditions are the best Ive ever had by a large margin. A season pass includes links to recordings of the past Balancing Act shows, and the 2021 Fall/Winter season includes a fantastic non-alcoholic drinks episode, which Balancing Act has made available for gift guide readers to purchase individually. Private events also available. Amouage$340Frankincense, myrrh—only a few donkeys short of smelling like the nativity scene. Kuhn Rikon$5The hype is real. Do not use a dishwasher—these are $5 plastic peelers. First United Methodist Church Peanut Crew$8.95Wayne County peanuts, boiled, fried, and salted. Among the best ready-to-eat peanuts that you can buy. Phillips Norelco$59.99Comes with an outrageous number of attachments to guarantee that you can trim ones entire body, including the face, head, and nostrils. KEF$2,799.99For the friend who wants to sit in a room, alone, and listen to music for hours on end but does not want autonomy in their speaker selection. JBI International$36+Formerly known as the Jewish Braille Institute, JBI International is a nonprofit organization dedicated to providing Braille, large print, and audiobook publications throughout the world, with an emphasis on Jewish texts. Parfums MDCI$250, $375 (Resin Bust Edition)Big barber shop energy. Paperback Paradise$10 (Poster), $20 (Print)Great to frame and hang in an office or bedroom. Mustard Girl$4.25 (12oz)For when horseradish is needed in a deli mustard. Dexter Russell$15.70Great heavy spatula with a sharp edge for breaking up food as it cooks. If you have a hot griddle and balls of meat ready to smash into burgers, you can place the ball on the griddle and press down forcefully with this spatula. After the initial smash, smear the meat outward along its edge so it thins out. Salt generously and uniformly on the side facing upward as the meat cooks. Salt impedes crust formation as it draws moisture out, and its critical to only salt one side for such a thin burger. Whetstone$20Whetstone Magazine is a magazine that explores the origins of food and the cultures connected to it. Volume 008 covers a range of topics including the history of coffee bean growing in Puerto Rico, the iconic Palestinian variant of knafeh, and an investigation of the historical context of and relationship between Jews and Chinese food. Subscriptions to Whetstone are available in print and digital format. Vollrath$10.17 (3-quart), $15.70 (5-quart), $20.83 (8-quart)Critical bowls for cooking. If you have smashed burger meat cooking on a griddle, after the meat has cooked for a minute, use a fish spatula to flip without disturbing the crust. Once flipped, place cheese on them, spray some water toward the griddle near the patty, and immediately invert a 3-quart metal bowl over it. Check the cheese after 20-30 seconds, and once the cheese has melted, its done. P-Studio$29.99Persona 5 Royal has taken the original Persona 5 and made it even better. One of the all-time greatest roleplaying games and my absolute favorite game. Rick Owens DRKSDHW$880Pockets guaranteed to be big enough for an entire sandwich with hidden velcro patches to secure the sandwich, plus incredibly soft fleece. The Jason is one of the greatest hoodies money can buy, and now its in pink, too. Snyder of Berlin$28.48 (Three 9.5 oz. Bags)Abby’s Choice—The best plain potato chip there is, though Abbys choice is actually the salt and vinegar chips, and my mother-in-law would be distraught if no mention of the BBQ chips was made. Robot Coupe$248The MicroMix works incredibly well to quickly establish emulsions, and when youre not emulsifying sauces, theres separate blade for chopping foods without whipping air into them, which serves as the perfect tool for breaking down tomatoes for sauce without oxidizing them like a full-size blender does. Naughty Dog$39.99A breathtaking successor to a game that previously seemed to have no need for a sequel. Hyacinth (Saint Paul)$10-200The best restaurant in the Twin Cities, and that descriptor doesnt nearly do it justice. Hyacinth has a revolving seasonal menu of constant home runs and with a great service experience to match. Lobels of New York$109.95 (24oz), $122.95 (28oz)An absolutely incredible rib steak with ideal marbling and a deep dry-aged flavor. Lobels also offers an American wagyu rib steak, which is wet aged for two weeks and is intensely flavorful. And for those that prefer porterhouses, there are phenomenal USDA Prime porterhouse steaks available. Rodolphe Le Meunier$15.50Its embossed with a cow, and its almost cheeselike in its buttery intensity. A butter to remember forever. Jasper Hill Farm$12 (6oz), $32 (one pound), $120 (1/8 wheel), $225 (1/4 wheel)A natural-rind cheddar thats aged in lard and wrapped in cloth for 10-13 months. Crisbee Stik$14.95Its pricey, but its the best seasoning fat Ive ever used, and in an extremely convenient form. Store it far away from your deodorant, trust me. Grow & Behold$100+While I missed out on it, this glatt kosher butchers brisket got rave reviews from my family. Theyre a rare source of kosher 30-day dry-aged rib roasts, rib steaks, and really, beef navel, the cut traditionally used to make pastrami, is extremely difficult to find, kosher or not, which is why brisket is such a common substitute. Kosher meat is generally relatively expensive, and this is the high-end of kosher meat—I would err toward the generous side if purchasing a gift card for a kosher-keeping recipient. Gloria$25It features a brass spray lance, so its ideal for popping into a deck oven to quickly generate large amounts of steam. This is not for home oven use, and a basic spray bottle works well in that case. Salumeria Biellese$40 (One Stick), $110 (Three Sticks)The worlds greatest pepperoni. And no, it wont cup—this is a pepperoni for everything from New York-style pizza slices to hoagies. Thermoworks$39I was required to have a timer affixed to me after I developed a habit of leaving several Extra Big & Loud Timers ringing unanswered. This timer can be set with two alarms—if you need three timers, the TimeStick Trio works well, but the Trio is not nearly as convenient and responsive as the Christopher Kimball Signature Timer. Flannery Beef$140 (4lbs), $210 (6lbs), $280 (8lbs), $350 (10lbs)An incredible rib roast dry aged for 30-35 days, Flannerys California Reserve meat comes from California Holstein, a breed of generally used for dairy production. Be sure to dry-brine your roast, and really, all of your beef, for maximal results. Excellent individual California Reserve Holstein and Midwestern Angus rib steaks, porterhouses and other cuts available. For those who are drawn to exceptionally large ribeye caps, their famous California Reserve Jorge cut rib steak is a must try. And mismatched filet mignon are great to throw into any order. The Trevor Project$30+The Trevor Project is dedicated to stopping suicide among young LGBTQ people, and they operate The Trevor Line suicide prevention services operated by trained counselors through phone, text, and a live chat. The Trevor Project also contributes significantly to LGBTQ research and advocacy. Thermoworks$105The best instant-read thermometer that youre going to find. A lower-cost ThermoPop is also available, with the same reliability and build quality, but a different form factor and slower response time. Snake River Farms$35Maybe the best value in high-end steaks. The end cut comes with a bit of connective tissue, which makes some people think its a lesser cut, but the connective tissue is hardly even a hiccup, and this end cut strip steak has a really phenomenal flavor. Snake River Farms short ribs are also excellent for smoking, and it can be a profoundly difficult cut to find done properly. Kramer by Zwilling$349.95 (8-inch), $399.95 (10-inch)A carbon steel Western-style chefs knife. Great handle ergonomics and blade profile, which is ideal for rock-chopping. La Molina$24.75Abby’s Choice—The hazelnut-embedded chocolate that dreams are made of. Dexter-Russell$44.81Surprisingly useful cleaver. Great for parsing poultry, breaking up chocolate, crushing things, and cutting into gourds. S. Rosens Baking Company$2.97Give your loved one the gift of poppy-seeded buns for Chicago-style hot dogs. NoTrax$63.80The price has nearly doubled in recent years, but if a villain came to my home and put all of mine in the dishwasher and ruined them, I would immediately buy them at this outragous price. Theyre great cutting boards that wont prematurely dull your knives and theyre easy to store. Do not put this in your dishwasher ever. I might be able to help you restore them if you do, but dont do it, I will be extremely angry if you do it and contact me asking for help. Do not put this in the dishwasher. Marias Pastry Shop$45Maria’s Pastry Shop of Bostons North End is closed. You cannot buy a cannolo from Maria’s now, nor will you ever be able to do so again. But Marias cannoli are the best cannoli, and your loved ones deserve the best. Order a different Boston cannoli (Modern Pastry is not remotely a sufficient replacement), and be sure the recipient knows that you really wanted to buy them Maria’s but that you could not—they’re worth it. LGTV$1,299.99 (48-inch), $1,499.99 (55-inch), and $1,999.99 (65-inch)Its a 120hz screen, and so you can, and should, turn off motion smoothing. The interfaces on the C1-Series TVs are responsive and smooth to the point that an Apple TV-like device is unnecessary. Emily Wells$15Abby’s Choice—At some point, there were only around 100 copies left, and there are fewer copies now. Your chance to hear this incredible 2006 indie pop/folk album dies when this limited sells out. Hurry. Google$599 (Pixel 6), $899 (Pixel 6 Pro)For someone who hasnt replaced their iPhone in a little while. By most accounts, this is a very nice phone, and you can easily pass it off as a phone given in earnest—convert them to Android and direct the ire of their group chats toward them once the chat balloons become irreparably green, setting the stage for their eventual departure. Sigma$1,399Its a nearly three-pounds, but its an incredible lens and one of the sharpest around. Available for Canon EF, Nikon F, Sigma SA, Leica L, and Sony E mounts. DC Comics$29.99A collection of Batman stories from writer Tom King and artist Lee Weeks. Collects Batman #51-53 and #67, Batman Annual #2, and Batman/Elmer Fudd Special #1. Batman Annual #2 is my all-time favorite single issue of a comic, and serves as a standalone story. Taggarts Ice Cream Parlor and Restaurant$100+Find a low-key family restaurant in a distant non-major city that the recipient has seemingly no interest in ever visiting; buy a generous gift card, and attach a note: I know how much you love traveling and dining out. Ive heard really great things about this restaurant. Enjoy!
. You get to feel good thanks to the fallacy that supporting small businesses is virtuous, and the recipient is left endlessly confused. Apple$400+From the iPhone SE (2nd Gen) at $400 to the iPhone 13 Pro Max starting at $1099, with many phones in between, Apple covers a tremendous price and size range with their phone offerings, and every single one of those phones can potentially take your loved one out of someone elses green chat bubble hell or even be a first mobile device. And when it comes to build quality, user experience, and performance, iPhones are unmatched. Basbaas Foods$21.99A chutney through the lens of Somali chef Hawa Hassan. Ive loved it on everything from carnitas tacos to samosas. Also available is an excellent tamarind date sauce, which is also included alongside this chutney in a variety pack Concept2$900For the loved one with 9-by-4 of contiguous space. Gray Kunz$13.09This is my spoon. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My spoon is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. My spoon, without me, is useless. Without my spoon, I am useless. Katzs Delicatessen$83.75–$108.95 (4+lbs whole pastrami), $34 (1lb tongue), $13.95 (six frankfurters), $34.95–$69.95 (hard salami)The whole pastrami is phenomenal, and its the same thing that Katzs boils and steams in their deli—add a healthy pinch of salt to the water. The pastrami freezes well after the initial boil if over four pounds of pastrami cant be finished in one sitting. The well-marbled slices of the pre-sliced tongue are a dream for tongue enthusiasts, but be prepared for a few lean pieces, too. And on the encased beef side of things, the natural casing beef hot dog are nicely beefy and have a nice smokiness from added hickory flavor, and hard salami is a must try for beef salami enthusiasts, and it may be well-served by leaving it on the counter for a week or two to age a bit more prior to slicing it—be your own rabbi. Winning$355These have laces, so be sure to grab a set of Lace-N-Loop straps so they can be fastened and removed by the wearer. Be sure to get a good pair of wraps and wrap your hands properly. Kramer by Zwilling$229.95A bit larger than the average paring knife, but Im a big fan of this one for delicate knife work. Kalustyans$7.99 (2.5oz), $9.99 (6oz) $16.99 (16oz), $69.99 (5lbs)A great peppercorn, and I havent cooked with any other black pepper since I started using it years ago. And really, Kalustyans entire collection of spices, seeds, and other items are worth exploring. Alzheimers Association$35+Make a donation to contribute to care, support, and research for Alzheimers disease and other dementias. Ludwig Reiter$798Abby’s Choice—Made with oil-impregnated Russian leather by Vienna-based bootmaker Ludwig Reiter. Note that orders shipped to outside of the EU are final sale unless you can return it to one of their shops in Austria, Germany, or Switzerland. Available in womens and mens sizing. Helen Levi Ceramics$56A great bowl for soups and cereals. Red Pelican$3.69 (10oz)A yellow mustard to bring home to the family. Red Pelicans yellow mustard has a nice complexity and backend heat, and it would be well paired with an ambitiously topped hot dog or a bare beefy dog. Red Pelican was, at some point, the official mustardier of the Detroit Tigers. CELINE$590Hedi Slimanes best cut since the 17.5cm. HF Coors$67Safe for any temperature that is possible on this earth. My brother bought me two of these as a wedding gift, so I could recreate the Peter Luger experience without having to eat a mediocre porterhouse. Delouis Fils$6.25 (7oz)A gorgeous Dijon with a nice amount of heat without being too intense. Rick Owens$465Great low-profile card case for a jean back pocket. Wait for the end of the season sales, and this should see a significant price drop. Sony$499Yes, its nearly impossible to find stocked at a given moment, but if you have time to spare, bookmark all of the stockists that you can find; create accounts on each website with your information filled out, frequently check them all, and you will find one available. The Playstation platform has incredible exclusive games, with a sample thereof listed in this guide, not to mention that the Playstation 5 likely has the best game controller of all time with its adaptive triggers. And really, Microsoft hasnt had a console-selling exclusive game since the Xbox 360 era. DC Comics$49.99A hardcover collection of the phenomenal Mister Miracle run written by Tom King and illustrated by Mitch Gerads. Collects Mister Miracle #1–12 and includes each variant cover art, sketches, and scripts. Scott$25.49Buy as many as you can afford and undermine their bathroom experience for a lifetime with what some say is the most uncomfortable toilet paper that you can buy. The value proposition of this large supply of toilet paper may pit partners against each other and destroy lives—use with caution. Adobe$239.88 (see description below)Yes, the the student and teacher discount for Creative Cloud All Apps is a great deal for supremely useful software and places it at the annual price for non-discounted Photoshop (the price increases slightly after the first year). Its like gifting Harry & David, but instead of monthly fruits, its the ability to use software that the recipient will never possibly own. Or instead, email your loved one a thoughtful note and include a link to PhotoPea, the free (with ads) browser-based Photoshop clone, and they too can do elaborate photo editing in order to call out enablers of problematic figures in the food world. Arkane Studios$59.99Enjoy amortality with ruinous intent. Also available on PC. visvim$1100When all you want is a more expensive JanSport. Suede bottomed. Rivers Edge$9.99Theyll look forward to murdering the next fly. Aniplex of America$119.98Abby’s Choice—Gen Urobuchis dark departure from typical magical girl anime, Madoka Magica is an incredible television series, and one of the greatest of all time. visvim$1,120One doesnt really understand Social Sculpture jeans until they read three dissertations about them from designer Hiroki Nakamura. The first volume serves as background, while the second and third volumes will inform you on the various Social Sculpture cuts, among other things. Note that you may have to size up on the Social Sculpture 10 cut. From Roy.$75Abby’s Choice—The next generation of panettone by Roy Schvartzapel, an airy and soft bread covered in pearl sugar and full of chocolate chips. Made with a pasta madre, the interior texture stays optimally fresh while sitting sliced in its packaging at room temperature for days on end. I couldnt run faster from orange extract in desserts, but Im finding myself transfixed by this panettone. Other flavors also available. Chris Reeve Knives$375 (Small), $450 (Large)One knife that says it all. Hawk Krall$275 (original), $25 (print)Poutine. Its also worth paying particular attention to Hawk Kralls extensive body of hot dog art Stadium Mustard$4.25 (12oz)An excellent Cleveland Stadium-style mustard, a genre of mustard that I would classify as delicatessen mustard adjacent. And for the one who has everything, heres a little bit more. Míele$799Its a little precious, but vacuuming doesnt get any better than with Míele. Honor the Earth$10+Honor the Earth is a Minnesota-based non-profit organization focused on Indigenous environmental justice, and stands as a major force in the Stop Line 3 protests against the construction of Enbridges Line 3 tar sands pipeline that would run crude oil through northern Minnesotas watersheds and the land of the 1837, 1854, and 1855 Ojibwe treaties, and the pipeline stands to threaten the Leech Lake Indian Reservation, the Red Lake Indian Reservation, and the White Earth Indian Reservation. OXO$10.99A versatile tool for slicing garlic in many different orientations. Funimation$41.99Abby’s Choice—Created by Gen Urobuchi. Season One is essentially a complete series, and when viewed as such, it stands as one of the best television series of all time. Zojila$89.95Yes, you can efficiently stack your dishes for drying, but this is significantly more convenient, and a rack enables you to dry cups and utensils. Its also tilted so you can position it to drain into your sink. Canada Goose$1,295Abby’s Choice—No, as of 2021, New York City is not cold enough for this jacket, but for the Twin Cities and other similarly cold environments, its critical. Canada Goose$1,395Abby’s Choice—The jacket has straps, so you can take it off and wear it as a backpack if you become too warm indoors. This is a heavily insulated jacket, and this is mostly appropriate for very cold climates. Viberg Boot$710Yes, these are nicer than Red Wings. DeBuyer$55 (9 3/8-Inch), $70 (11-Inch), and $85 (12 9/16-Inch with helper handle)Lighter than cast iron, a smoother cooking surface, and faster to heat up. Great at searing steaks, and easy to hang for storage. Be sure to follow the manufacturers instructions for initial seasoning. Size appropriately for the burner—you will have optimal results if the pans cooking surface is roughly the same size as the burner. Lamson Sharp$28.49Enable the lefty in your life to easily flip intensely seared foods and fish. Not intended for use by right-handed people. Liuzzi$8.99 (Two 8oz balls)A great cows milk burrata, with a tender fresh mozzarella outer and creamy stracciatella center. Dexter Russell$6.37A versatile spatula to be used in a variety of tasks such as, removing pizzas from their pans, removing lasagnas from their pans, removing baked zitis from their pans, removing eggplant parmesans from the pans, and also removing other dishes from their pans. Also great for reheating individual slices of pizza on a stone. You can also purchase a nylon perforated alternative, which works well with non-stick surfaces. Caputo Brothers Creamery$11 (8oz ball)A great fresh mozzarella with a buttery tang made from cows milk with some buffalo milk blended in, and this is easily the most flavorful fresh mozzarella that Ive ever had. Their Fior di Pizza aged mozzarella is a phenomenal cheese too, but its a pricey aged mozzarella with which to fall in love. Caputo Brothers also produces an excellent traditional Italian-style whey-based ricotta. Thermoworks$33Because microwave and oven timers are junk. Comes with magnets on the back so you can stick it on a magnetic surface. Heggys$14 (1lb pecans)Abby’s Choice—Give the gift of freshly roasted pecans from Canton, Ohio. Marcato $84.95Buy the traditionally extruded pasta shapes; make the traditionally fresh shapes with this pasta maker. While you can make fresh pasta without any maker at all, this is significantly more convenient and enables much more consistent results. Also, this is as good of a time as any to tell you this: use semola rimacinata flour for most applications that might demand semolina flour—the coarse semolina flour that youd get at the grocery store is great, but only for dusting pizza peels. HVD$2700If you want to make Liège waffles, the Cuisinart Belgian waffle iron will not work, nor will any any other Bed, Bath and Beyond-ish Belgian waffle maker that a publication lists as their Belgian waffle iron pick—theyre all comparatively trash. The HVD is the best there is. Comes in 110- and 240-volt configurations, and theres a propane variant. Marco Colzani$24.50Abby’s Choice—Think Nutella, but much higher quality, chocolateless, and made with pistachio instead of hazelnut. So not really like Nutella at all, but you get the idea. This is very likely the secret ingredient to many pistachio-based desserts. Blanc Creatives$210 (9"), $250 (11")Fantastic artisan-made carbon steel skillet. Great wall design for searing and butter basting meats. Hang it so you can show off to your friends how fancy your life is. DeBragga$24.75 (Two, One Pound Packs)A 75%-lean ground beef with a strong dry-aged flavor. Breadtopia$39Bagel dough is a low-to-mid 50s hydration dough made with high-gluten flour, and the dough is salt, instant yeast, water, and maybe a dash of barley malt syrup. Shape the bagels by forming a rope with tapered ends, and form a ring and roll over the joined ends with your palm. Goyim will shape their bagels by making a ball and poking a hole with their finger—dont do that—its the bagel equivalent of cutting a NY-style pizza dough into a circle to mitigate your own incompetence. Proof the shaped bagels in your fridge for a day or two—I store mine uncovered on a semolina coated baking sheet. Boil the bagels, straight from the fridge, in water with malt syrup, drop in a container of everything bagel seasoning, if you want that, and place on a water-soaked bagel board, topping side down. Bake the bagels on their boards, on a baking stone, for several minutes, and flip the boards to cook what was previously the tops of the bagels directly on the stone. Leoncini$9.99 (16oz)Optima is one of the dozen varieties of mortadella produced by Leoncini. I was team its just bologna
until I bought a pound of Optima at Kowalskis in a fit of desperation. I sliced it as thinly as possible on my deli slicer, and I found that not only did I love it in a hoagie, I enjoyed eating the Optima for the sake of itself. Pairs well with my seeded hoagie roll, Caputo Brothers provola, Salumeria Biellese Pepperoni, iceberg lettuce, white onion, banana peppers, and a Dijonaise made with a great Dijon of your choosing. Hobart$1,499Spare no expense or concern for space on a deli slicer for the one who matters most in your life. Or dont, and get a smaller and significantly cheaper BESWOOD slicer. The numbers on the thickness dial of mine faded away seemingly overnight, which was devastating, but besides that its fine. I drew on different but equally nice numbers with a JB Prince Sharpie. Palestinian Childrens Relief Fund$36+The Palestinian Childrens Relief Fund (PCRF) works to find Palestinian children free medical care in Europe and the United States. PCRF built the first ever Palestinian pediatric cancer center, in the West Bank, and a second pediatric cancer center in Gaza City. Additionally, PCRF provides medical supplies and equipment and helps train Palestinian surgeons. Some employers may offer donation matching for PCRF donations, and in general, you may want to check with your employer about matching major donations. Oliverio$10 (3 Pack of 16oz), $25 (12 Pack of 16oz)This is the source of my secret pickled banana peppers that I put on my Italian hoagies and my sausage, peppers, and pepperoni Sicilian-style pizza. AdidasAdidas has resumed their partnership with Kanye West after his perpetuation of deeply antisemitic tropes and threats against Jews on his social media acounts with more followers than there are Jews on this planet. Zero Japan$32The hinoki cypress lid is hinged, and you can open it with the flick of a finger, so you can easily access your salt without clumsily futzing with a lid. Its an ideal salt cellar, and available in several colors LGTV$1,299.99 (48-inch), $1,499.99 (55-inch), and $1,999.99 (65-inch)Its a 120hz screen, and so you can, and should, turn off motion smoothing. The interfaces on the C1-Series TVs are responsive and smooth to the point that an Apple TV-like device is unnecessary. Hullo$99Buckwheat pillows have been used in Japan for hundreds of years. The hulls in buckwheat pillows hold their shape well and remain extremely comfortable. The United States requires imported buckwheat hulls to be heat treated, which allegedly makes the hulls brittle and causes them to flatten out more readily. Its unclear if thats the case, but Hullo grows their buckwheat in Minnesota. Maida Farm$11.75Abby’s Choice—For when passata needs more beta carotene. Emily Wells$15Abby’s Choice—At some point, there were only around 100 copies left, and there are fewer copies now. Your chance to hear this incredible 2006 indie pop/folk album dies when this limited sells out. Hurry. Kosciusko$3.75 (9oz)A top-tier spicy brown deli mustard. Claritin$20For the friend with a beating heart. Google$599 (Pixel 6), $899 (Pixel 6 Pro)For someone who hasnt replaced their iPhone in a little while. By most accounts, this is a very nice phone, and you can easily pass it off as a phone given in earnest—convert them to Android and direct the ire of their group chats toward them once the chat balloons become irreparably green, setting the stage for their eventual departure. The Real McCoys$270A pre-washed hooded sweatshirt with heavy sinker-weave-knit fabric as opposed to loopwheel-knit fabric, but its no worse for it. A bit roomier and longer than The Strike Golds offering. Its Japanese, so size up by one size relative to US sizing. The Real McCoys also has a loopwheel-knit zipped hoodie available who must have their hoodies knit with the least amount of tension. Lello$808.50If your ice cream was mediocre before, itll likely still be mediocre, but now youll know that its you, and its not the ice cream maker. Sigma$1,399Its a nearly three-pounds, but its an incredible lens and one of the sharpest around. Available for Canon EF, Nikon F, Sigma SA, Leica L, and Sony E mounts. Parachute$99Its very soft, comfortable, and it looks like a typical bathrobe. Theres pockets to keep sandwiches or whatever you typically use bathrobe pockets for. I dont know what else you need in a bathrobe—do you need a hood? Milton Creamery$8 (6.5oz), $30 (1.625lb), $80 (5lb)Abby’s Choice—A nutty and sweet aged cheddar. DC Comics$29.99A collection of Batman stories from writer Tom King and artist Lee Weeks. Collects Batman #51-53 and #67, Batman Annual #2, and Batman/Elmer Fudd Special #1. Batman Annual #2 is my all-time favorite single issue of a comic, and serves as a standalone story. Mister Mustard$1.60 (7.5oz)A must-have mustard for hot mustard enthusiasts. Mister Mustard is possibly the only mustard that Ive ever liked that has sugar as a listed ingredient, and yes, Ive tried Boetjes. Outslayer$510 (with bottom D-ring)These bags are filled entirely with compressed fabric rather than sand, and so the bag does not harden as time goes on. Extremely comfortable to punch. The conventional wisdom is to use a heavy bag thats around half your weight. Also, be sure to order it filled—shipping is included. Taggarts Ice Cream Parlor and Restaurant$100+Find a low-key family restaurant in a distant non-major city that the recipient has seemingly no interest in ever visiting; buy a generous gift card, and attach a note: I know how much you love traveling and dining out. Ive heard really great things about this restaurant. Enjoy!
. You get to feel good thanks to the fallacy that supporting small businesses is virtuous, and the recipient is left endlessly confused. Rick Owens$600–690The legendary Dunk-inspired high-top sneaker but for children. Sunmix$1,890.00This is not a replacement for a typical stand mixer: the SUN6 is a spiral mixer designed exclusively for mixing dough, and its breaker bar makes it a far superior for kneading dough compared to barless consumer spiral mixers. This is a relatively large mixer, and it really shines with large batches it dough, but its specifically designed to fit underneath cabinets in a home kitchen. And unfortunately, unless youre in Europe, the price has gone up nearly $500 in the past year and a half. Works best with a healthy addition of stickers. Apple$400+From the iPhone SE (2nd Gen) at $400 to the iPhone 13 Pro Max starting at $1099, with many phones in between, Apple covers a tremendous price and size range with their phone offerings, and every single one of those phones can potentially take your loved one out of someone elses green chat bubble hell or even be a first mobile device. And when it comes to build quality, user experience, and performance, iPhones are unmatched. Meep$201 of 20 hand-numbered and signed prints. See Meeps shop for a full range of prints, shirts, stickers, and a coloring book. Internet Archive$5+Internet Archive is a digital library dedicated to providing free access to digitized audio, books, movies, software, and more. A major focus of the Internet Archive has been archiving web pages through their Way Back Machine. If, for example, youve ever tried to determine how problematic a Bon Appétit recipe was prior to being scrubbed clean, the Way Back Machine has archived it. The Internet Archive is currently hosting 70 petabytes of archived data—thats 70,000,000 gigabytes—and a donation enables that. Basbaas Foods$21.99A chutney through the lens of Somali chef Hawa Hassan. Ive loved it on everything from carnitas tacos to samosas. Also available is an excellent tamarind date sauce, which is also included alongside this chutney in a variety pack Meal Magazine$19The second issue of the essential food magazine from the Twin Cities-based publication. This issue covers variety of critical topics at the intersection of social justice and food, and theres a Joe Rosenthal profile by Molly Each, which is a beautifully written reveal of my closest held secrets. Meal Magazines third issue is available for preorder, and Meal Magazine offers a bimonthly newsleter, magazine subscription, merchandise, access to local Twin Cities events, and more, through their Patreon. Produit Pic$8.99 (7.5oz)An exceptionally smooth sandwich demands an exceptionally smooth mustard. Pleasant with most of the flavor up front and not much heat. Concept2$900For the loved one with 9-by-4 of contiguous space. Ralph Lauren Boys 8–20$145Buy it for that guy who isnt quite worth the price of mens clothing. Go with the largest size for the most plausible deniability. CELINE$690A high rise straight leg jean. With Hedi Slimane at the helm, CELINE has some of the best washed denim in the business. Gray Kunz$13.09This is my spoon. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My spoon is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. My spoon, without me, is useless. Without my spoon, I am useless. Phase One$200 (license for Fujifilm, Nikon, or Sony, only), $300 (license for all major camera brands)Powerful and convenient photo editing software. Capture One enables tethered shooting whereby the camera is attached to a computer and you can see the view finder, focus, shoot, and develop photos in the software. Also, available as a monthly or yearly subscription service. Brain Dead x Joey Watson$150A timeless tumbler. Katzs Delicatessen$83.75–$108.95 (4+lbs whole pastrami), $34 (1lb tongue), $13.95 (six frankfurters), $34.95–$69.95 (hard salami)The whole pastrami is phenomenal, and its the same thing that Katzs boils and steams in their deli—add a healthy pinch of salt to the water. The pastrami freezes well after the initial boil if over four pounds of pastrami cant be finished in one sitting. The well-marbled slices of the pre-sliced tongue are a dream for tongue enthusiasts, but be prepared for a few lean pieces, too. And on the encased beef side of things, the natural casing beef hot dog are nicely beefy and have a nice smokiness from added hickory flavor, and hard salami is a must try for beef salami enthusiasts, and it may be well-served by leaving it on the counter for a week or two to age a bit more prior to slicing it—be your own rabbi. Boom! Studios$63.49The original Power Rangers are now being written as an excellent comic series. Shattered Grid is a major event in which an alternate worlds Tommy Oliver remains evil and kills Power Rangers to accumulate more power and imperil the universe. This collects Mighty Morphin Power Rangers #25-30, Go Go Power Rangers #9-12, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Free Comic Book Day Special, and Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Shattered Grid #1, and an original short story set during the events of Shattered Grid. The next major arc, Necessary Evil is also collected in a two-part hardcover series, with part one available now, and part two is available for preorder. Mostaard Wostyn$2.88 (225g)A Belgian mustard from a 19th Century mustardier based in Torhout. Smooth with a mild back-end heat and a nice complexity from its finely ground black mustard seed. Winning$355These have laces, so be sure to grab a set of Lace-N-Loop straps so they can be fastened and removed by the wearer. Be sure to get a good pair of wraps and wrap your hands properly. Ready Hour$57 (Beans Trio & Rice Kit, 100 Servings), $867 (3-month supply), $1,597 (6-month supply), $2,987 (1-year supply)Got an anti-vaxxer relative thats endangering public health? Give them a supply of self-reliance buckets to remove their need to leave their home, effectively removing them from society. For less than $3000, you can sequester your awful relative for up to a year and effect material benefit for the world. Gucci$290Great form factor for stashing some cards and cash in a slim pants pocket. Fun snake design. Kramer by Zwilling$229.95A bit larger than the average paring knife, but Im a big fan of this one for delicate knife work. CTEK$128.51A critical accessory for infrequently driven cars in cold climates. An optional CTEK Comfort Connect Cig Plug enables you to trickle charge your car battery through your cars cigarette port, for cars with a port that is powered when the car is off. My spouse and I accidentally ran over our CT5 several times, and to be clear, the CT5 survived being run over by a car multiple times before we finally replaced it with a second one. SIN$36 (mini), $72 (small), $85 (large)Nearly identical to a paper plate. Kalustyans$7.99 (2.5oz), $9.99 (6oz) $16.99 (16oz), $69.99 (5lbs)A great peppercorn, and I havent cooked with any other black pepper since I started using it years ago. And really, Kalustyans entire collection of spices, seeds, and other items are worth exploring. Marvel Comics$53.99 (Hardcover)The start of Jonathan Hickmans run of X-Men which serves as a reboot of the X-Men comics. Hickmans run is a fresh take on the X-Men lore, and this is a must have for X-Men fans. Collects Powers of X 1-6, House of X 1-6. Red Pelican$5.79 (9oz)A great smooth brown mustard with a nice spiciness. Red Pelicans Hot Mustard eats a lot like a Belgian mustard, and given that the founder, Henry Sabe, was a Flemish immigrant, it makes sense. Much more finely ground than a typical delicatessen mustard, but not as finely ground as the Belgian mustards in this list. Alzheimers Association$35+Make a donation to contribute to care, support, and research for Alzheimers disease and other dementias. By Kilian$240Smell a little bit like rum, but not like youve been drinking it—smell like youre exuding rum. Benjamin Moore$62.99 (1 Gallon)This is great quality paint, and this is great for those in a new home in need of interior painting. Get this paint in a dark color, and see if they paint a room with it. If you notice that the recipient used the paint, follow up with a discordant color for the next holiday or birthday, and see if they continue to paint. If they paint again, you should assume that the recipient will paint ad infinitum. Proceed with caution, but probably also proceed with more gifts of paint. Ludwig Reiter$798Abby’s Choice—Made with oil-impregnated Russian leather by Vienna-based bootmaker Ludwig Reiter. Note that orders shipped to outside of the EU are final sale unless you can return it to one of their shops in Austria, Germany, or Switzerland. Available in womens and mens sizing. Naniwa$88A 1,000 grit stone is a good stone for maintaining a blade thats already in reasonable condition. The Chosera 400 grit is a much better stone to use for a knife thats been long neglected and needs a lot of material removed to bring it back to life. Choseras 5,000 grit stone works well to follow up as a finishing stone. 10,000 grit helps take the finish a step further for knives with very hard blade steels only—softer steels that will rapidly dull from such a fine edge. A honing rod can work to maintain your knives between sharpenings, but I prefer a strop, especially for knives with particularly hard steel. KEF$1,249.99All but the white model are draped in fabric from Kvadrat, and the speakers fit well on a desk—whats not to love? Play Kiss from a Rose for hours on end to be sure you break it in. Helen Levi Ceramics$56A great bowl for soups and cereals. G&M Restaurant$115The worlds best crab cake but in a tub that comes in the mail. Includes a scooper to easily scoop crab cakes just like they do at G&M. Kojima Productions$49.99An expanded version of the original Hideo Kojima masterpiece for PS5. A story-driven epic, package delivery has been made into an utterly enthralling and terrifying experience. Do not succumb to complacency, and do not underestimate the utility of your BB. Owners of the original Death Stranding for PS4 can upgrade to the PS5 Directors Cut for $10. Red Pelican$3.69 (10oz)A yellow mustard to bring home to the family. Red Pelicans yellow mustard has a nice complexity and backend heat, and it would be well paired with an ambitiously topped hot dog or a bare beefy dog. Red Pelican was, at some point, the official mustardier of the Detroit Tigers. Iron Mind$239.95There are five people living who have closed the #4 gripper. Shoot for the moon. Also available as individual grippers. CELINE$590Hedi Slimanes best cut since the 17.5cm. recteq$739 (RT-340), $899 (RT-590), $1,199 (RT-700), $1,599 (RT-1250)Each pellet smoker features a PID controller for dynamic temperature response, a thick stainless steel chassis that will retain heat well, and a ceramic ignitor rod thatll wont require continually replacement like with metal ignition rods. Pairs well with high-quality pellets. Audient$299 (iD14 MKII), $199 (id4 MKII)Pairs with an XLR microphone or guitar. Contains reasonably powerful preamps that obviate the need for a microphone activator or lifter for certain dynamic microphones. Add in a Rode PSA1 boom arm to really send the message, buy a mic.
HF Coors$67Safe for any temperature that is possible on this earth. My brother bought me two of these as a wedding gift, so I could recreate the Peter Luger experience without having to eat a mediocre porterhouse. Sfoglini$17.99 (Four Pack)Give your loved one the promise of four pounds of pasta that will arrive in a month or so. This is to short pasta shapes what Scoops! was to Tostitos. Compound Butter$20A stunning food magazine with incredible original art intertwined with the editorial content throughout. Volume Fourteen is a double issue with 163 pages centered on the things that bring comfort. Volume Fifteen can be preordered, and a four-issue subscription is available. Delouis Fils$6.25 (7oz)A gorgeous Dijon with a nice amount of heat without being too intense. Creed$55Bathe yourself in entry-level luxury. Grey Poupon$71.06 (Two, 1-Gallon jugs)For years I took the the joyless pain of eating Grey Poupon as a point of pride— a tough mustard for tough people. Its not. Grey Poupon is an awful Dijon mustard with its only flavor being a one-dimensional mustard heat, and the fact that this mustard has defined Dijon mustard for many in the United States is endlessly distressing. Give the gift of two 1-Gallon jugs of Grey Poupon to someone awful. Cite a fear of supply chain issues to explain the volume of mustard. If the recipient notes that they dont like Grey Poupon, tell them that they havent had the good Grey Poupon and that its only available through restaurant suppliers, à la hair salons being the only source of high concentration hair products. Note that Grey Poupon needs to be stored in the fridge once its opened to maintain its best flavor. Really, youre awful for doing this, but this whole thing, all of it, should turn them off of you for a while, and thats the goal, right? Rick Owens$465Great low-profile card case for a jean back pocket. Wait for the end of the season sales, and this should see a significant price drop. Brennan Center for Justice$25+The Brennan Center for Justice is a nonprofit public policy and law institute of the New York University Law School. The Brennan Center peforms research and advocates for progressive causes such as voting rights expansion, ending mass incarceration, campaign finance reform, electoral college reform, and election security. Richard EaglespoonPricelessAn article on how to make New York-style pizza in a basic home oven, including a list of critical pizza making equipment. And no, you do not need a specialty pizza oven to make incredible pizza at home, and no oven will make your pizza any less mediocre. Sony$499Yes, its nearly impossible to find stocked at a given moment, but if you have time to spare, bookmark all of the stockists that you can find; create accounts on each website with your information filled out, frequently check them all, and you will find one available. The Playstation platform has incredible exclusive games, with a sample thereof listed in this guide, not to mention that the Playstation 5 likely has the best game controller of all time with its adaptive triggers. And really, Microsoft hasnt had a console-selling exclusive game since the Xbox 360 era. Laguiole Claude Dozorme$169These are my knives; they were a gift from my mother. Theyre excellent knives. These are mine, though, so I would suggest you use these knives as a guide—this is a gift guide, not a gift prescription—and do not buy these exact ones. Find your own knives, please. Balancing Act$318 (Single), $471.00 (Double)A critical series for anyone interested in making mixed drinks. Balancing Acts Dave Arnold and Jack Schramm are the worlds foremost drink geniuses, and their non-alcoholic drinks at the now-shuttered Existing Conditions are the best Ive ever had by a large margin. A season pass includes links to recordings of the past Balancing Act shows, and the 2021 Fall/Winter season includes a fantastic non-alcoholic drinks episode, which Balancing Act has made available for gift guide readers to purchase individually. Private events also available. DC Comics$49.99A hardcover collection of the phenomenal Mister Miracle run written by Tom King and illustrated by Mitch Gerads. Collects Mister Miracle #1–12 and includes each variant cover art, sketches, and scripts. Edmond Fallot$6.25 (7.4oz)Made from brown mustard seed grown in Burgundy and Appellation dOrigine Contrôlée Burgundy white wine. A thunderclap of intense mustard heat and alcohol notes. A delightful nightmare. Amouage$340Frankincense, myrrh—only a few donkeys short of smelling like the nativity scene. Scott$25.49Buy as many as you can afford and undermine their bathroom experience for a lifetime with what some say is the most uncomfortable toilet paper that you can buy. The value proposition of this large supply of toilet paper may pit partners against each other and destroy lives—use with caution. visvim/WMV$1035Better than all of the other Superstar knockoffs with plastic agleted laces—it doesnt get more comfortable than visvim leather sneakers. Available in mens and womens sizes. Kuhn Rikon$5The hype is real. Do not use a dishwasher—these are $5 plastic peelers. Adobe$239.88 (see description below)Yes, the the student and teacher discount for Creative Cloud All Apps is a great deal for supremely useful software and places it at the annual price for non-discounted Photoshop (the price increases slightly after the first year). Its like gifting Harry & David, but instead of monthly fruits, its the ability to use software that the recipient will never possibly own. Or instead, email your loved one a thoughtful note and include a link to PhotoPea, the free (with ads) browser-based Photoshop clone, and they too can do elaborate photo editing in order to call out enablers of problematic figures in the food world. Baloo159 (Throw), $169 (Full/Queen), $204 (King)If you dont have 20 pounds of weighted beads in your blanket, are you even sleeping? First United Methodist Church Peanut Crew$8.95Wayne County peanuts, boiled, fried, and salted. Among the best ready-to-eat peanuts that you can buy. Arkane Studios$59.99Enjoy amortality with ruinous intent. Also available on PC. Edmond Fallot$6.25 (7.4oz)A great Dijon mustard with a bit of lingering heat. Phillips Norelco$59.99Comes with an outrageous number of attachments to guarantee that you can trim ones entire body, including the face, head, and nostrils. visvim$1100When all you want is a more expensive JanSport. Suede bottomed. Masamoto$195 (8.2-inch), $236 (9.4-inch), $283 (10.5-inch)A carbon steel Japanese chefs knife with a Western-style handle. This knife is sharpened for right-handed users. The rest of the blade and the handle are both symmetrical, so left-handed users can call Korins customer service number and pay an additional $20 for the edge to be reground for lefties. And for those who will only accept stainless steel knives, Misonos UX10 is a very nice option. KEF$2,799.99For the friend who wants to sit in a room, alone, and listen to music for hours on end but does not want autonomy in their speaker selection. Rivers Edge$9.99Theyll look forward to murdering the next fly. Russ & Daughters$50 per poundIf you dont like this smoked salmon, theres no smoked salmon in the world that will satisfy you. Bring your own bagels. JBI International$36+Formerly known as the Jewish Braille Institute, JBI International is a nonprofit organization dedicated to providing Braille, large print, and audiobook publications throughout the world, with an emphasis on Jewish texts. Aniplex of America$119.98Abby’s Choice—Gen Urobuchis dark departure from typical magical girl anime, Madoka Magica is an incredible television series, and one of the greatest of all time. Yves Tierenteyn-Verlent$5.58 (200ml)In production since the late 18th century. Bring your own bottle to Ghent and have it filled with mustard at their shop. Parfums MDCI$250, $375 (Resin Bust Edition)Big barber shop energy. visvim$1,120One doesnt really understand Social Sculpture jeans until they read three dissertations about them from designer Hiroki Nakamura. The first volume serves as background, while the second and third volumes will inform you on the various Social Sculpture cuts, among other things. Note that you may have to size up on the Social Sculpture 10 cut. Baking Steel$159 (Mini Griddle), $199 (Skinny Griddle), and $209 (Griddle)Theyre expensive, but theyre great stove-top griddles. Also pairs well with a 12-by-12-inch Sicilian-style pizza pan. The mini griddle in particular is ideal for small batches of smash burgers. Heat the griddle to 500F, and use 3oz balls of no leaner than 75%-lean chuck. Paperback Paradise$10 (Poster), $20 (Print)Great to frame and hang in an office or bedroom. From Roy.$75Abby’s Choice—The next generation of panettone by Roy Schvartzapel, an airy and soft bread covered in pearl sugar and full of chocolate chips. Made with a pasta madre, the interior texture stays optimally fresh while sitting sliced in its packaging at room temperature for days on end. I couldnt run faster from orange extract in desserts, but Im finding myself transfixed by this panettone. Other flavors also available. Housemarque$69.99Returnal is a profoundly difficult game with top-tier gameplay mechanics, and it stands as one of the few games with a middle-aged female protagonist. The following button swaps will help immensely in successfully beating the game: set dash to L1, melee to R1, use consumable to square, jump to R3, and X to area scan. Additionally, turn always sprint
on. Mustard Girl$4.25 (12oz)For when horseradish is needed in a deli mustard. Chris Reeve Knives$375 (Small), $450 (Large)One knife that says it all. WMV$890.00Hiroki Nakamuras washes are among the best there is, and DMGD-12 is a particularly great variant. Features a blue-line selvedge, including a selvedge waistband, and a natural indigo-dyed roughout elk patch. Dexter Russell$15.70Great heavy spatula with a sharp edge for breaking up food as it cooks. If you have a hot griddle and balls of meat ready to smash into burgers, you can place the ball on the griddle and press down forcefully with this spatula. After the initial smash, smear the meat outward along its edge so it thins out. Salt generously and uniformly on the side facing upward as the meat cooks. Salt impedes crust formation as it draws moisture out, and its critical to only salt one side for such a thin burger. Hawk Krall$275 (original), $25 (print)Poutine. Its also worth paying particular attention to Hawk Kralls extensive body of hot dog art Mikes Hot Honey$21.99 (2, 12 oz Squeeze Bottles)The hottest honey yet. Whetstone$20Whetstone Magazine is a magazine that explores the origins of food and the cultures connected to it. Volume 008 covers a range of topics including the history of coffee bean growing in Puerto Rico, the iconic Palestinian variant of knafeh, and an investigation of the historical context of and relationship between Jews and Chinese food. Subscriptions to Whetstone are available in print and digital format. Stadium Mustard$4.25 (12oz)An excellent Cleveland Stadium-style mustard, a genre of mustard that I would classify as delicatessen mustard adjacent. And for the one who has everything, heres a little bit more. The Strike Gold$295A slubby heavy-weight loopwheel-knit hooded sweatshirt. It’s intended to shrink a full size after washing, and its slimmer and shorter than The Real McCoys Joe McCoy offering. Its also Japanese, so it runs small, and youll want to size up at least one size relative to US sizing. Pay particular attention to measurements and shrinkage estimates. Vollrath$10.17 (3-quart), $15.70 (5-quart), $20.83 (8-quart)Critical bowls for cooking. If you have smashed burger meat cooking on a griddle, after the meat has cooked for a minute, use a fish spatula to flip without disturbing the crust. Once flipped, place cheese on them, spray some water toward the griddle near the patty, and immediately invert a 3-quart metal bowl over it. Check the cheese after 20-30 seconds, and once the cheese has melted, its done. Míele$799Its a little precious, but vacuuming doesnt get any better than with Míele. Gaby et Jules$101 (3 months), $174 (6 months), $319 (1 year)Phenomenal French macarons delivered on a subscription basis for your friends and family. Also available in a variety of individual macaron boxes, and the vanilla and strawberry stand as some of my favorites, though the vanilla macarons may only be available locally, in Pittsburgh. And for those in Pittsburgh that can visit the shop, the palmiers are a must try, along with any of the pastries that seem exciting. P-Studio$29.99Persona 5 Royal has taken the original Persona 5 and made it even better. One of the all-time greatest roleplaying games and my absolute favorite game. Honor the Earth$10+Honor the Earth is a Minnesota-based non-profit organization focused on Indigenous environmental justice, and stands as a major force in the Stop Line 3 protests against the construction of Enbridges Line 3 tar sands pipeline that would run crude oil through northern Minnesotas watersheds and the land of the 1837, 1854, and 1855 Ojibwe treaties, and the pipeline stands to threaten the Leech Lake Indian Reservation, the Red Lake Indian Reservation, and the White Earth Indian Reservation. Koops$4.25 (12oz)A very nice vinegary spicy brown mustard. Rick Owens DRKSDHW$880Pockets guaranteed to be big enough for an entire sandwich with hidden velcro patches to secure the sandwich, plus incredibly soft fleece. The Jason is one of the greatest hoodies money can buy, and now its in pink, too. OXO$10.99A versatile tool for slicing garlic in many different orientations. Míele$499The first cordless vacuum that isnt actually garbage. Features a removable battery pack. Snyder of Berlin$28.48 (Three 9.5 oz. Bags)Abby’s Choice—The best plain potato chip there is, though Abbys choice is actually the salt and vinegar chips, and my mother-in-law would be distraught if no mention of the BBQ chips was made. Funimation$41.99Abby’s Choice—Created by Gen Urobuchi. Season One is essentially a complete series, and when viewed as such, it stands as one of the best television series of all time. Indigo Proof$35–300The highest quality denim repairs Ive seen; Rain Delisle is at least as good with working on denim as anyone who has made a pair of my jeans, and its the only place where I want to send mine. Theres a wait list for repairs, so sign up for her VIP list on the Indigo Proof website for advanced notice of openings. Chain-stitched hems, tapers, and waist alterations are also available. Robot Coupe$248The MicroMix works incredibly well to quickly establish emulsions, and when youre not emulsifying sauces, theres separate blade for chopping foods without whipping air into them, which serves as the perfect tool for breaking down tomatoes for sauce without oxidizing them like a full-size blender does. Zojila$89.95Yes, you can efficiently stack your dishes for drying, but this is significantly more convenient, and a rack enables you to dry cups and utensils. Its also tilted so you can position it to drain into your sink. DANICOOP$6.90Canned San Marzano tomatoes in the United States are generally not great tomatoes, but Gustarosso stands as the exception and might just be the best canned tomato product there is. Naughty Dog$39.99A breathtaking successor to a game that previously seemed to have no need for a sequel. Canada Goose$1,295Abby’s Choice—No, as of 2021, New York City is not cold enough for this jacket, but for the Twin Cities and other similarly cold environments, its critical. Chefs Press$18.90 (13oz)Perfect for burgers, steaks, and everything else that would be trash without a good sear. Hyacinth (Saint Paul)$10-200The best restaurant in the Twin Cities, and that descriptor doesnt nearly do it justice. Hyacinth has a revolving seasonal menu of constant home runs and with a great service experience to match. Canada Goose$1,395Abby’s Choice—The jacket has straps, so you can take it off and wear it as a backpack if you become too warm indoors. This is a heavily insulated jacket, and this is mostly appropriate for very cold climates. Vollrath$4.37Buy dozens, use them as spoon rests, for baking little things, ingredient prep, and making little fruit leathers. And if you dont already have a quarter sheet and cooling rack pair, remedy that. Lobels of New York$109.95 (24oz), $122.95 (28oz)An absolutely incredible rib steak with ideal marbling and a deep dry-aged flavor. Lobels also offers an American wagyu rib steak, which is wet aged for two weeks and is intensely flavorful. And for those that prefer porterhouses, there are phenomenal USDA Prime porterhouse steaks available. Viberg Boot$710Yes, these are nicer than Red Wings. MAC Superior$89.95Better than the worthless bread knife from the knife block that you got as a wedding gift. Stop mangling great bread with that garbage knife, and get a real bread knife (this one). This is a right-handed knife, but it works well for left-handed users. Rodolphe Le Meunier$15.50Its embossed with a cow, and its almost cheeselike in its buttery intensity. A butter to remember forever. DeBuyer$55 (9 3/8-Inch), $70 (11-Inch), and $85 (12 9/16-Inch with helper handle)Lighter than cast iron, a smoother cooking surface, and faster to heat up. Great at searing steaks, and easy to hang for storage. Be sure to follow the manufacturers instructions for initial seasoning. Size appropriately for the burner—you will have optimal results if the pans cooking surface is roughly the same size as the burner. Electronic Frontier Foundation$25+The Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF) leverages lawyers, activities, and technology experts to fight against injustices in the digital world, and stands as a leading force defending against abuses of digital privacy. Jasper Hill Farm$12 (6oz), $32 (one pound), $120 (1/8 wheel), $225 (1/4 wheel)A natural-rind cheddar thats aged in lard and wrapped in cloth for 10-13 months. Lamson Sharp$28.49Enable the lefty in your life to easily flip intensely seared foods and fish. Not intended for use by right-handed people. Cypress Grove$27 (one pound)A Gouda-like six-month aged goat milk cheese. Crisbee Stik$14.95Its pricey, but its the best seasoning fat Ive ever used, and in an extremely convenient form. Store it far away from your deodorant, trust me. Liuzzi$8.99 (Two 8oz balls)A great cows milk burrata, with a tender fresh mozzarella outer and creamy stracciatella center. Polyscience$1,490An incredible cooktop for cooking confit, braising food, making Hollandaise sauce, or just cooking broccolis carefree while youre wildly distracted and ignoring whats on the stove at a cool and steady 225°F. Grow & Behold$100+While I missed out on it, this glatt kosher butchers brisket got rave reviews from my family. Theyre a rare source of kosher 30-day dry-aged rib roasts, rib steaks, and really, beef navel, the cut traditionally used to make pastrami, is extremely difficult to find, kosher or not, which is why brisket is such a common substitute. Kosher meat is generally relatively expensive, and this is the high-end of kosher meat—I would err toward the generous side if purchasing a gift card for a kosher-keeping recipient. Dexter Russell$6.37A versatile spatula to be used in a variety of tasks such as, removing pizzas from their pans, removing lasagnas from their pans, removing baked zitis from their pans, removing eggplant parmesans from the pans, and also removing other dishes from their pans. Also great for reheating individual slices of pizza on a stone. You can also purchase a nylon perforated alternative, which works well with non-stick surfaces. Richard EaglespoonPricelessAn article on how to make incredible steaks at home with the specific advice to dry brine your meat, and yes, you absolutely should dry brine all of the beef recommended in this guide, and thats especially true for any rib roasts. Gloria$25It features a brass spray lance, so its ideal for popping into a deck oven to quickly generate large amounts of steam. This is not for home oven use, and a basic spray bottle works well in that case. Caputo Brothers Creamery$11 (8oz ball)A great fresh mozzarella with a buttery tang made from cows milk with some buffalo milk blended in, and this is easily the most flavorful fresh mozzarella that Ive ever had. Their Fior di Pizza aged mozzarella is a phenomenal cheese too, but its a pricey aged mozzarella with which to fall in love. Caputo Brothers also produces an excellent traditional Italian-style whey-based ricotta. Blu Skillet Ironware$360An incredible handmade carbon steel skillet. The handle ergonomics make the pan extremely maneuverable. I suggest entering Blu Skillets monthly lotteries or trying to grab a pan during their annual sale. Salumeria Biellese$40 (One Stick), $110 (Three Sticks)The worlds greatest pepperoni. And no, it wont cup—this is a pepperoni for everything from New York-style pizza slices to hoagies. Thermoworks$33Because microwave and oven timers are junk. Comes with magnets on the back so you can stick it on a magnetic surface. Famous Lunch$7.25 (Pint), $11.75 (Quart)The famous sauce used on what most are calling the greatest hot dog on the planet. Add a splash of water before reheating, and freeze any excess in single-serving portions. Pairs well with a great pork hot dog. Do not use a beef hot dog with this sauce. Top your hot dog with a yellow mustard and finely diced white onion. Call (518) 272-9481 to place an order. Thermoworks$39I was required to have a timer affixed to me after I developed a habit of leaving several Extra Big & Loud Timers ringing unanswered. This timer can be set with two alarms—if you need three timers, the TimeStick Trio works well, but the Trio is not nearly as convenient and responsive as the Christopher Kimball Signature Timer. Heggys$14 (1lb pecans)Abby’s Choice—Give the gift of freshly roasted pecans from Canton, Ohio. DeLonghi$159Do not burden your friends and family with a deep fryer, and really you shouldnt even burden anyone with a Whirley Pop—stop imposing your will and wasting away the precious counter and cabinet space of the people in your life. With that in mind, this is more of a recommendation for the idea of a deep fryer rather than a recommendation for a specific deep fryer. If you want to make and eat fried food, this is the only path to that end. Flannery Beef$140 (4lbs), $210 (6lbs), $280 (8lbs), $350 (10lbs)An incredible rib roast dry aged for 30-35 days, Flannerys California Reserve meat comes from California Holstein, a breed of generally used for dairy production. Be sure to dry-brine your roast, and really, all of your beef, for maximal results. Excellent individual California Reserve Holstein and Midwestern Angus rib steaks, porterhouses and other cuts available. For those who are drawn to exceptionally large ribeye caps, their famous California Reserve Jorge cut rib steak is a must try. And mismatched filet mignon are great to throw into any order. Marcato $84.95Buy the traditionally extruded pasta shapes; make the traditionally fresh shapes with this pasta maker. While you can make fresh pasta without any maker at all, this is significantly more convenient and enables much more consistent results. Also, this is as good of a time as any to tell you this: use semola rimacinata flour for most applications that might demand semolina flour—the coarse semolina flour that youd get at the grocery store is great, but only for dusting pizza peels. Frescobaldi Laudemio$27.95 (250ml), $44.95 (500ml)Rich and peppery. Comes in a box, so you can safely store it away and observe its greenish beauty when the occasion arises. The Trevor Project$30+The Trevor Project is dedicated to stopping suicide among young LGBTQ people, and they operate The Trevor Line suicide prevention services operated by trained counselors through phone, text, and a live chat. The Trevor Project also contributes significantly to LGBTQ research and advocacy. HVD$2700If you want to make Liège waffles, the Cuisinart Belgian waffle iron will not work, nor will any any other Bed, Bath and Beyond-ish Belgian waffle maker that a publication lists as their Belgian waffle iron pick—theyre all comparatively trash. The HVD is the best there is. Comes in 110- and 240-volt configurations, and theres a propane variant. Thermoworks$105The best instant-read thermometer that youre going to find. A lower-cost ThermoPop is also available, with the same reliability and build quality, but a different form factor and slower response time. Marco Colzani$24.50Abby’s Choice—Think Nutella, but much higher quality, chocolateless, and made with pistachio instead of hazelnut. So not really like Nutella at all, but you get the idea. This is very likely the secret ingredient to many pistachio-based desserts. Wabash Valley Farms$27.74Great for making popcorn at home. Be very careful when operating this popper, as you can burn yourself with the escaping steam when pouring out the popped popcorn. Comes in a stainless steel variant for induction cooktops. Pairs well with Mega Pop packs, which include popcorn, coconut oil, and salt. Note, if you are coming up with your own popcorn recipe or supplementing packs, regular salt is inappropriate for popcorn, and micronized salt is a requirement. And regardless of whether you buy the packs or come up with your own recipe, butter-flavored topper is a critical post-pop addition. Snake River Farms$35Maybe the best value in high-end steaks. The end cut comes with a bit of connective tissue, which makes some people think its a lesser cut, but the connective tissue is hardly even a hiccup, and this end cut strip steak has a really phenomenal flavor. Snake River Farms short ribs are also excellent for smoking, and it can be a profoundly difficult cut to find done properly. Blanc Creatives$210 (9"), $250 (11")Fantastic artisan-made carbon steel skillet. Great wall design for searing and butter basting meats. Hang it so you can show off to your friends how fancy your life is. Sher Wagyu $111.96 (two 12oz steaks)A Wagyu, Angus and Holstein crossbreed, Shers Australian Wagyu is more similar to Japanese wagyu than American wagyu. An excellent steak, and each 12-ounce steak could serve two given its intense richness. Kramer by Zwilling$349.95 (8-inch), $399.95 (10-inch)A carbon steel Western-style chefs knife. Great handle ergonomics and blade profile, which is ideal for rock-chopping. DeBragga$24.75 (Two, One Pound Packs)A 75%-lean ground beef with a strong dry-aged flavor. Thermoworks$45.00A simple, accurate, and reliable leave-in thermometer. If you need a low-temperature alarm, that is, an alarm that tells you when the temperature of your food has cooled to a certain temperature, spend the extra $20 on a ChefAlarm. La Molina$24.75Abby’s Choice—The hazelnut-embedded chocolate that dreams are made of. Breadtopia$39Bagel dough is a low-to-mid 50s hydration dough made with high-gluten flour, and the dough is salt, instant yeast, water, and maybe a dash of barley malt syrup. Shape the bagels by forming a rope with tapered ends, and form a ring and roll over the joined ends with your palm. Goyim will shape their bagels by making a ball and poking a hole with their finger—dont do that—its the bagel equivalent of cutting a NY-style pizza dough into a circle to mitigate your own incompetence. Proof the shaped bagels in your fridge for a day or two—I store mine uncovered on a semolina coated baking sheet. Boil the bagels, straight from the fridge, in water with malt syrup, drop in a container of everything bagel seasoning, if you want that, and place on a water-soaked bagel board, topping side down. Bake the bagels on their boards, on a baking stone, for several minutes, and flip the boards to cook what was previously the tops of the bagels directly on the stone. Richard EaglespoonPricelessAn article on how to make professional quality hoagie rolls at home. Make a bunch and give them to your friends and family, or just send someone the link to the article as an inexpensive last minute gift. Dexter-Russell$44.81Surprisingly useful cleaver. Great for parsing poultry, breaking up chocolate, crushing things, and cutting into gourds. Leoncini$9.99 (16oz)Optima is one of the dozen varieties of mortadella produced by Leoncini. I was team its just bologna
until I bought a pound of Optima at Kowalskis in a fit of desperation. I sliced it as thinly as possible on my deli slicer, and I found that not only did I love it in a hoagie, I enjoyed eating the Optima for the sake of itself. Pairs well with my seeded hoagie roll, Caputo Brothers provola, Salumeria Biellese Pepperoni, iceberg lettuce, white onion, banana peppers, and a Dijonaise made with a great Dijon of your choosing. PizzaMasterMore than you'd hopePizzaMaster makes commercial deck ovens, and some of their models, namely the countertop models, can potentially be used in a home when built for 240V single-phase wiring. These are large ovens; my PM 551ED with a 21-inch deck is deeper than a typical home countertop. This oven is a tool, albeit, a top-tier professional one, and it is not a replacement for research and practice, as opposed to the belief of many buyers of consumer-grade pizza ovens. If an oven was all it took to make great pizza, every Whole Foods in the country would be doing it with their PizzaMasters, and they are not. S. Rosens Baking Company$2.97Give your loved one the gift of poppy-seeded buns for Chicago-style hot dogs. Hobart$1,499Spare no expense or concern for space on a deli slicer for the one who matters most in your life. Or dont, and get a smaller and significantly cheaper BESWOOD slicer. The numbers on the thickness dial of mine faded away seemingly overnight, which was devastating, but besides that its fine. I drew on different but equally nice numbers with a JB Prince Sharpie. Martins Potato RollsNote: Billy Penn has reported that Martin’s Potato Roll owner, Jim Martin, donated $110,000 to the Pennsylvania gubernatorial campign of Doug Mastriano, a far-right Christian nationalist who has fought against mask mandates, critical race theory, the 2020 presidential election, and is looking to enact a total ban on abortion. Martin’s has been removed from this gift guide. NoTrax$63.80The price has nearly doubled in recent years, but if a villain came to my home and put all of mine in the dishwasher and ruined them, I would immediately buy them at this outragous price. Theyre great cutting boards that wont prematurely dull your knives and theyre easy to store. Do not put this in your dishwasher ever. I might be able to help you restore them if you do, but dont do it, I will be extremely angry if you do it and contact me asking for help. Do not put this in the dishwasher. Palestinian Childrens Relief Fund$36+The Palestinian Childrens Relief Fund (PCRF) works to find Palestinian children free medical care in Europe and the United States. PCRF built the first ever Palestinian pediatric cancer center, in the West Bank, and a second pediatric cancer center in Gaza City. Additionally, PCRF provides medical supplies and equipment and helps train Palestinian surgeons. Some employers may offer donation matching for PCRF donations, and in general, you may want to check with your employer about matching major donations. Italian Harvest$12.00Mix it with mayo to make a great calabrian mayo; throw some into a pasta sauce for a little bit of complexity and heat; eat it with a spoon, or dont—your loss. Trader Joe’s Italian Bomba Hot Pepper Sauce is a very nice and readily available alternative to this product. And when all you need is oil, theres a Calabrian chili oil. Marias Pastry Shop$45Maria’s Pastry Shop of Bostons North End is closed. You cannot buy a cannolo from Maria’s now, nor will you ever be able to do so again. But Marias cannoli are the best cannoli, and your loved ones deserve the best. Order a different Boston cannoli (Modern Pastry is not remotely a sufficient replacement), and be sure the recipient knows that you really wanted to buy them Maria’s but that you could not—they’re worth it. Oliverio$10 (3 Pack of 16oz), $25 (12 Pack of 16oz)This is the source of my secret pickled banana peppers that I put on my Italian hoagies and my sausage, peppers, and pepperoni Sicilian-style pizza.
Next up in Vapid Consumerism
The Latest
How to Union BustA campaign of union busting by restaurateur Ann Kim and a campaign of bullying and intimidation by the Star Tribune to remove my work reporting on the union busting. How to Hoagie RollAnd they say that a hoagie can save us—I’m not gonna stand here and wait. How to PizzaA New York-style pizza recipe with extraneous information