$89.95
Better than the worthless bread knife from the knife block that you got as a wedding gift. Stop mangling great bread with that garbage knife, and get a real bread knife (this one).
$719.00
If your ice cream sucked before, it'll probably still suck, but now you'll know that it's you, and it's not the ice cream maker.
$80.00
Critical for the friend who becomes existentially distressed when their carrots are touching their steak.
$349.95
Great handle ergonomics, and I'm a huge fan of the European blade shape. Also, a 8" variant is available, since 10" isn't for everyone. Buy a Wüsthof Classic, a Misono UX10 gyuto, or a Masamoto virgin carbon steel gyuto, if this is too rich for your blood (and for the latter two, if you prefer Japanese blade profiles), but this is the knife that I love the most.
$59.96 (10.2-Inch), $89.95 (12.6-Inch)
Lighter than cast iron, a smoother cooking surface, and faster to heat up. Great at searing steaks, and easy to hang for storage. Be sure to follow the manufacturer's instructions for initial seasoning. I would go with the pan size appropriate for your burner size, so if you can support it, go with the 12.6-inch.
$181.01
For when a hood on your bathrobe isn't really what you want, but it's what you need.
$12.95
It's pricey, but it's the best seasoning fat I've ever used, and in an extremely convenient form. Store it far away from your deodorant, trust me.
$40.00
Perfect for grating potatoes for Hanukkah latkes or mozzarella for pizza (because you know pregrated mozzarella is almost always terrible).
$1799.95
Seriously, I want one for cooking various things confit, making corned beef, making stocks, etc.
$68.00 (32oz)
Intensely flavorful California Holstein rib steak from the father-and-daughter duo of Flannery's. A real steak eater's steak, the Jorge is cut from the chuck end of the rib section, and so it has a large rib cap, which is the most flavorful beef in the whole steer.
$11.90
This is my spoon. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My spoon is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. My spoon, without me, is useless. Without my spoon, I am useless.
$99.00
This is the gold standard for instant-read thermometers (and it's waterproof). Stop doing the finger test and actually know the internal temperature of your food.
$34.00
A third of the price of the Thermapen, and not quite as accurate or quick, but still very good (splash proof, not waterproof).
$79.95 (6oz, minimum order of two)
As tender as it gets, and I've never had a fillet I've enjoyed more. Best seared hard and served rare. Add on a dry-aged USDA Prime rib steak ($79.95, 28oz) and porterhouse (36oz, $129.95) for two of the best examples of those cuts in the country.
$10.00
Put it on fried chicken, ricotta toast, ice cream, make your own version of Paulie Gee's Hellboy, put it on a different ice cream, maybe make more ricotta toast—I don't know, the world is your oyster I don't want to keep telling you how to use this stuff (maybe put it on oysters too, though).
$210–$280.00 (small–large)
Fantastic artisan-made carbon steel skillet. Great wall design for searing and butter basting meats, and it's extremely well made. Hang it so you can show off to your friends how fancy your life is.
$350
Another incredible artisan-made carbon steel skillet. The handle shape makes it really nice to move around. These are next to impossible to just buy, so I've linked to the Flickr account from which I got the picture. If you're really interested, I suggest entering Blu Skillet's monthly lotteries or trying to grab a pan during their annual sale.
$18.90
Perfect for burgers, steaks, and everything else that would be trash without a good sear.
$159.84
Everyone else might be sponsored by Boos, but we're not. This is the good stuff. If you follow the maintenance directions, it'll last a lifetime.
$69.00
Why would you put food in your pan if you don't know how hot the pan is? Also great for finding drafts in your home.
$64.00
Critical for cooking roasts and other meats in the oven. Add the Pro-Series High Temp 2.5-Inch Straight Penetration Probe ($18) for temping smaller items, like steaks, in the oven. The low temperature alarm is great for knowing when food has cooled sufficiently, or if food is reaching an unsafe temperature. It also comes with a carrying case. I have no complaints about this, except I wish it had a numerical pad. Please add a numerical pad, ThermoWorks.
$43.00
It's just as accurate as the more expensive ChefAlarm but without the frills—you've got two buttons to adjust the target temperature, a backlight, and that's it.
$2700.00
If you want to make Liège waffles, the Cuisinart Belgian waffle iron will not work, nor will anything else The WireCutter or Cook's Illustrated rates as their best Belgian waffle iron pick. They're all comparatively trash. The HVD is the best there is.
$42.95
I don't care what happened on Throwndown with Bobby Flay; this is the “most fabulous cheesecake.”
$15.00
The world's greatest butter. I've had every cultured butter under the sun; we've made butter countless times with good cream; this is the best, and it's not even close. Also, it's embossed with a cow—it's great.
$10.00
Great for parties if your friends and family are worth the $2.50 a dog. Nice beef flavor.
$1,495.00
You're never going to find a better Admiral Bear sweater for less.
$61.85
Great for making pizzas at home if you've got a halfway decent oven. Won't break like a pizza stone. Yeah, you can go on eBay and get a 16" square piece of steel for cheaper, but that's not really convenient for a gift. Whoever does a 16" by 16" 3/8" thick square without price gouging customers crazily will get a spot in next year’s list.
$49.00
For launching pizzas only. Do not ever retrieve pizzas with this peel. Dust with semolina flour, and wipe the peel with a dry cloth to clean it. Do not get this peel wet. Do not oil this peel. Never going to steer you wrong with these gift descriptions.
$20.39
For turning and retrieving pizzas. Does not need to be as large as the pizza to remove the pizza.
$30.46
Good for making bar pizzas and pan pizzas. Does not require any peels. Oven safe at over 700F. Do not dishwash at all, not even once.
$28.73 (pan), $16.58 (lid)
Used to make Richard Eaglespoon's famous Sicilian pizzas. Oven safe at over 700F. Lid for convenience. You can maybe dish wash the lids, but don't put the pan itself in the dishwasher ever. Never ever.
$229.00
Great for cooking four things concurrently, or for the maniac that really wants four probes in a steak.
$44.00 per pound
If you don't like this smoked salmon, there's no smoked salmon in the world that will satisfy you. Bring your own bagels.
$33.00
Light, easy to clean, extremely convenient, and not bad for knife edges. Do not dish wash. Been there—just don't do it. If you do, contact me, and I'll try to help you fix it.
$15.99
Great for handling raw meats, and they can protect you slightly while slicing hot food. These are a size medium. They'll probably fit most people. If you're not usually a medium in gloves, look at their other sizes.
$17.24
You don't need a half sheet pan for reheating a slice of pizza. Stop. Use this; it'll fit in your dishwasher easily, and if you get the cooling rack, it opens up a ton of options for you.
$11.95
Perfect for dry-brining chicken and steaks, roasting small things, resting meats, breads, etc. Grab the half-sized one for fitting into standard half-sheet pans, which is useful for serving pan pizzas.
$5.99–16.99
It's really good at being a black pepper. Remember, don't put pepper on steaks, burgers, etc. until after you sear (if at all), otherwise it'll burn.
$36.90
It's not going to do a great job with grating pepper very finely, but short of that, it'll grind pepper with ease. You'll spill that Kalustyan pepper everywhere trying to refill this thing if you're not careful (or if you're anything like me), so have someone competent do it.
$6.95
For proofing balled pizza dough. Look, everyone's proofing in those 2qt round Cambro containers, and they're really kind of awful. The diameter is too small, and you end up misshaping your dough before you've even got it out of the container. Use this instead. Get the matching lid.
$18.95
OK, so you've got the Whirley-Pop, and the Flavacol and the coconut oil, and so now you've perfected movie theater popcorn, right? Wrong. Your popcorn sucks. You need this to top your popcorn. It's got enough transfat to kill the entire Kentucky Derby, but it's legit.
$35.00
I can't claim this is the best insulated water bottle, but I really like the S'well bottle we got for free, and I'd imagine so will the person to whom you give this. I spill water all over myself when I try to drink from wider mouthed water bottles, so this is great.
$995.63
They're the quintessential boondocker boot. Plus, everything The Real McCoy's makes is pretty much perfect for what it is. Can't go wrong with this if you like the look and it fits, and you don't care that we're currently in 2018.
$9.00
Great for reheating small foods, serving small foods, and generally everything to do with small foods. It's surprisingly great.
$51.00
Surprisingly useful cleaver. Great for parsing poultry, breaking up chocolate, crushing things, and cutting into gourds.
$23.79
Must have cookbook for anyone even vaguely interested in making desserts. And it now comes with a James Beard Foundation seal.
$35.00
You can open it with the flick of a finger; you don't have to find a place for the lid since it's on a hinge, and it looks good, what's not to like?
$345.00 ($235.00 with sale, at time of writing)
Thoughtfully distressed by the famed French fashion house to make simple essential tees that you can wear separately or all at once to make a statement.
$8.95
Put it on sandwiches, or eat it with a spoon, or don't—your loss. Great for giving grilled cheese an Italian flair.
$800.00 ($560.00 with sale, at time of writing)
Ryan Reynolds wore it in the first Deadpool movie, which was really weird to see. Incredibly soft. Excessively long pull strings (in a good way). There's a hidden vertical velcro pouch hidden inside the kangaroo pockets.
$780 ($601 with sale, at time of writing)
And yes, it's better than the American Giant hoodie hyped up on those other gift lists, but that's kind of like comparing a Honda Civic to the Millennium Falcon. Rick Owens loves to be able to fit a sandwich in the pockets of each garment he designs, so know that you'll be able to do that. It's unclear what kind of sandwich he likes to use, though.
$35.95
Is it really that green? Who's to say? But what I can say is that it's really great olive oil—buttery, peppery, uh, olivey? Yeah, olivey, that sounds good.
$89.95
Better than the worthless bread knife from the knife block that you got as a wedding gift. Stop mangling great bread with that garbage knife, and get a real bread knife (this one).
$719.00
If your ice cream sucked before, it'll probably still suck, but now you'll know that it's you, and it's not the ice cream maker.
$80.00
Critical for the friend who becomes existentially distressed when their carrots are touching their steak.
$349.95
Great handle ergonomics, and I'm a huge fan of the European blade shape. Also, a 8" variant is available, since 10" isn't for everyone. Buy a Wüsthof Classic, a Misono UX10 gyuto, or a Masamoto virgin carbon steel gyuto, if this is too rich for your blood (and for the latter two, if you prefer Japanese blade profiles), but this is the knife that I love the most.
$59.96 (10.2-Inch), $89.95 (12.6-Inch)
Lighter than cast iron, a smoother cooking surface, and faster to heat up. Great at searing steaks, and easy to hang for storage. Be sure to follow the manufacturer's instructions for initial seasoning. I would go with the pan size appropriate for your burner size, so if you can support it, go with the 12.6-inch.
$181.01
For when a hood on your bathrobe isn't really what you want, but it's what you need.
$12.95
It's pricey, but it's the best seasoning fat I've ever used, and in an extremely convenient form. Store it far away from your deodorant, trust me.
$40.00
Perfect for grating potatoes for Hanukkah latkes or mozzarella for pizza (because you know pregrated mozzarella is almost always terrible).
$1799.95
Seriously, I want one for cooking various things confit, making corned beef, making stocks, etc.
$68.00 (32oz)
Intensely flavorful California Holstein rib steak from the father-and-daughter duo of Flannery's. A real steak eater's steak, the Jorge is cut from the chuck end of the rib section, and so it has a large rib cap, which is the most flavorful beef in the whole steer.
$11.90
This is my spoon. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My spoon is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. My spoon, without me, is useless. Without my spoon, I am useless.
$99.00
This is the gold standard for instant-read thermometers (and it's waterproof). Stop doing the finger test and actually know the internal temperature of your food.
$34.00
A third of the price of the Thermapen, and not quite as accurate or quick, but still very good (splash proof, not waterproof).
$79.95 (6oz, minimum order of two)
As tender as it gets, and I've never had a fillet I've enjoyed more. Best seared hard and served rare. Add on a dry-aged USDA Prime rib steak ($79.95, 28oz) and porterhouse (36oz, $129.95) for two of the best examples of those cuts in the country.
$10.00
Put it on fried chicken, ricotta toast, ice cream, make your own version of Paulie Gee's Hellboy, put it on a different ice cream, maybe make more ricotta toast—I don't know, the world is your oyster I don't want to keep telling you how to use this stuff (maybe put it on oysters too, though).
$210–$280.00 (small–large)
Fantastic artisan-made carbon steel skillet. Great wall design for searing and butter basting meats, and it's extremely well made. Hang it so you can show off to your friends how fancy your life is.
$350
Another incredible artisan-made carbon steel skillet. The handle shape makes it really nice to move around. These are next to impossible to just buy, so I've linked to the Flickr account from which I got the picture. If you're really interested, I suggest entering Blu Skillet's monthly lotteries or trying to grab a pan during their annual sale.
$18.90
Perfect for burgers, steaks, and everything else that would be trash without a good sear.
$159.84
Everyone else might be sponsored by Boos, but we're not. This is the good stuff. If you follow the maintenance directions, it'll last a lifetime.
$69.00
Why would you put food in your pan if you don't know how hot the pan is? Also great for finding drafts in your home.
$16.99
This is the second IR thermometer on this list—do you understand how important this is yet? Get one for each hand, or buy it for someone who isn't worth the $69 for the ThermoWorks. This is what we use every day in our kitchen.
$64.00
Critical for cooking roasts and other meats in the oven. Add the Pro-Series High Temp 2.5-Inch Straight Penetration Probe ($18) for temping smaller items, like steaks, in the oven. The low temperature alarm is great for knowing when food has cooled sufficiently, or if food is reaching an unsafe temperature. It also comes with a carrying case. I have no complaints about this, except I wish it had a numerical pad. Please add a numerical pad, ThermoWorks.
$43.00
It's just as accurate as the more expensive ChefAlarm but without the frills—you've got two buttons to adjust the target temperature, a backlight, and that's it.
$2700.00
If you want to make Liège waffles, the Cuisinart Belgian waffle iron will not work, nor will anything else The WireCutter or Cook's Illustrated rates as their best Belgian waffle iron pick. They're all comparatively trash. The HVD is the best there is.
$42.95
I don't care what happened on Throwndown with Bobby Flay; this is the “most fabulous cheesecake.”
$15.00
The world's greatest butter. I've had every cultured butter under the sun; we've made butter countless times with good cream; this is the best, and it's not even close. Also, it's embossed with a cow—it's great.
$10.00
Great for parties if your friends and family are worth the $2.50 a dog. Nice beef flavor.
$1,495.00
You're never going to find a better Admiral Bear sweater for less.
$61.85
Great for making pizzas at home if you've got a halfway decent oven. Won't break like a pizza stone. Yeah, you can go on eBay and get a 16" square piece of steel for cheaper, but that's not really convenient for a gift. Whoever does a 16" by 16" 3/8" thick square without price gouging customers crazily will get a spot in next year’s list.
$49.00
For launching pizzas only. Do not ever retrieve pizzas with this peel. Dust with semolina flour, and wipe the peel with a dry cloth to clean it. Do not get this peel wet. Do not oil this peel. Never going to steer you wrong with these gift descriptions.
$20.39
For turning and retrieving pizzas. Does not need to be as large as the pizza to remove the pizza.
$30.46
Good for making bar pizzas and pan pizzas. Does not require any peels. Oven safe at over 700F. Do not dishwash at all, not even once.
$28.73 (pan), $16.58 (lid)
Used to make Richard Eaglespoon's famous Sicilian pizzas. Oven safe at over 700F. Lid for convenience. You can maybe dish wash the lids, but don't put the pan itself in the dishwasher ever. Never ever.
$229.00
Great for cooking four things concurrently, or for the maniac that really wants four probes in a steak.
$44.00 per pound
If you don't like this smoked salmon, there's no smoked salmon in the world that will satisfy you. Bring your own bagels.
$33.00
Light, easy to clean, extremely convenient, and not bad for knife edges. Do not dish wash. Been there—just don't do it. If you do, contact me, and I'll try to help you fix it.
$15.99
Great for handling raw meats, and they can protect you slightly while slicing hot food. These are a size medium. They'll probably fit most people. If you're not usually a medium in gloves, look at their other sizes.
$25.00
Commemorate America's greatest hot dog with this Famous Lunch print. Buy it for your friends, kids and neighbors. You can never have enough of these.
$670.00
It won't have the polish you'd see from some of the best European bootmakers, but it's certainly the best of the North American bootmakers doing the workwear aesthetic, and it'll be as solid of a boot as you can get.
$17.24
You don't need a half sheet pan for reheating a slice of pizza. Stop. Use this; it'll fit in your dishwasher easily, and if you get the cooling rack, it opens up a ton of options for you.
$11.95
Perfect for dry-brining chicken and steaks, roasting small things, resting meats, breads, etc. Grab the half-sized one for fitting into standard half-sheet pans, which is useful for serving pan pizzas.
$5.99–16.99
It's really good at being a black pepper. Remember, don't put pepper on steaks, burgers, etc. until after you sear (if at all), otherwise it'll burn.
$36.90
It's not going to do a great job with grating pepper very finely, but short of that, it'll grind pepper with ease. You'll spill that Kalustyan pepper everywhere trying to refill this thing if you're not careful (or if you're anything like me), so have someone competent do it.
$6.95
For proofing balled pizza dough. Look, everyone's proofing in those 2qt round Cambro containers, and they're really kind of awful. The diameter is too small, and you end up misshaping your dough before you've even got it out of the container. Use this instead. Get the matching lid.
$18.95
OK, so you've got the Whirley-Pop, and the Flavacol and the coconut oil, and so now you've perfected movie theater popcorn, right? Wrong. Your popcorn sucks. You need this to top your popcorn. It's got enough transfat to kill the entire Kentucky Derby, but it's legit.
$35.00
I can't claim this is the best insulated water bottle, but I really like the S'well bottle we got for free, and I'd imagine so will the person to whom you give this. I spill water all over myself when I try to drink from wider mouthed water bottles, so this is great.
$995.63
They're the quintessential boondocker boot. Plus, everything The Real McCoy's makes is pretty much perfect for what it is. Can't go wrong with this if you like the look and it fits, and you don't care that we're currently in 2018.
$9.00
Great for reheating small foods, serving small foods, and generally everything to do with small foods. It's surprisingly great.
$51.00
Surprisingly useful cleaver. Great for parsing poultry, breaking up chocolate, crushing things, and cutting into gourds.
$23.79
Must have cookbook for anyone even vaguely interested in making desserts. And it now comes with a James Beard Foundation seal.
$35.00
You can open it with the flick of a finger; you don't have to find a place for the lid since it's on a hinge, and it looks good, what's not to like?
$345.00 ($235.00 with sale, at time of writing)
Thoughtfully distressed by the famed French fashion house to make simple essential tees that you can wear separately or all at once to make a statement.
$8.95
Put it on sandwiches, or eat it with a spoon, or don't—your loss. Great for giving grilled cheese an Italian flair.
$800.00 ($560.00 with sale, at time of writing)
Ryan Reynolds wore it in the first Deadpool movie, which was really weird to see. Incredibly soft. Excessively long pull strings (in a good way). There's a hidden vertical velcro pouch hidden inside the kangaroo pockets.
$780 ($601 with sale, at time of writing)
And yes, it's better than the American Giant hoodie hyped up on those other gift lists, but that's kind of like comparing a Honda Civic to the Millennium Falcon. Rick Owens loves to be able to fit a sandwich in the pockets of each garment he designs, so know that you'll be able to do that. It's unclear what kind of sandwich he likes to use, though.
$35.95
Is it really that green? Who's to say? But what I can say is that it's really great olive oil—buttery, peppery, uh, olivey? Yeah, olivey, that sounds good.
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